Lost umung the Living

Moon Doggy · Jun 30, 2006, 01:27 PM

I am lost.
There is no where left to go
I am Lost among the living and you don't know

You don't know how I feel
You don't know who I am
You won't accept me

Nothing is rite
I walk around like a drone
Not Living nor dead

I walk around alone and lost

Nothing is rite
I am A drone
Not Living nor Loving

What is left of who I am
So much has been taken
So much has been lost

I am not living nor dead

The pain in my head grows
The crack of my bones sharpens
My eyes lose lust
My hair grows dull

Yet you don't know
No one knows

And no one ever will

I am lost among the living
I am an outcast thrown to the wind...

Immortal Warrior · Jun 30, 2006, 07:15 PM

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. For starters friends, run it through Word first. Spelling errors all over the place. Among, not umung. It's living, not liveing, and it's right, not rite. And the whole thing is so cliche; I hate life, everyone ignores me, my life is terrible, I hate everyone. Try to think a little outside the box on that. Find a more specific topic. That and get a bit more creative.

forever a dreamer · Jun 30, 2006, 07:33 PM

well, Immortal Warrior seems to have covered all the mistakes

- but i thought that it was a very good poem

- but i do agree that you made it a bit to dreary

, but over all, 2 thumbs up!

friend_of_fish · Jun 30, 2006, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Immortal Warrior

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. For starters friends, run it through Word first. Spelling errors all over the place. Among, not umung. It's living, not liveing, and it's right, not rite. And the whole thing is so cliche; I hate life, everyone ignores me, my life is terrible, I hate everyone. Try to think a little outside the box on that. Find a more specific topic. That and get a bit more creative.

I totally agree with you Immortal Warrior

*ketaro* · Jul 02, 2006, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Immortal Warrior

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. For starters friends, run it through Word first. Spelling errors all over the place. Among, not umung. It's living, not liveing, and it's right, not rite. And the whole thing is so cliche; I hate life, everyone ignores me, my life is terrible, I hate everyone. Try to think a little outside the box on that. Find a more specific topic. That and get a bit more creative.

lol dude! although, there were many errors, the pome was really great.

Moon Doggy · Jul 03, 2006, 03:44 PM

I really don't care about spelling and my life sucks rite now....everything is falling apart and i want to die horibly...so next time don't read my poems if you want something more ... spacific...i don't have to submitt these so ya know i do it for my self not for your pleasure...it feels good when someone puts me down so thank you Immortal Warrior it was verry kind of you to give me that satisfaction >:}

p.s. there i fixed it!!!!! and i am thirteen...do you really expect me to pay anyattention in Grammar?!?!?!?!...Plus you should be able to tell be the way i rite that i have really sucky friends!

Immortal Warrior · Jul 05, 2006, 02:33 PM

Boohoo, I'm 15 and I was using correct grammar when I was 11. Sure life is shit, we all know that, but we make do with what we've got. If you don't want someone to take your work seriously, then don't post it here, because we're not all going to say "oh it's so wonderful you're amazing," when you spell a word like right, wrong. And next time, I won't waste my time editing your stuff for you, so you're welcome for the helpful input, and kid...come on, get your head out of your ass. No matter how bad life is, there's always something more that we can make out of it. Even when there's nothing left to live for, nothing more to gain, keep going just to prove that life can't beat you. I'm stubborn, and it's pulled me through when I'm taking damage, and I know it can't beat you down. There's always something more that we can do to make life better. Keep looking for it. Good luck.

Jun 30, 2006, 01:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Moon Doggy Newbie Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: I Live In the Last Place You Would Expect Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Lost umung the Living I am lost. There is no where left to go I am Lost among the living and you don't know You don't know how I feel You don't know who I am You won't accept me Nothing is rite I walk around like a drone Not Living nor dead I walk around alone and lost Nothing is rite I am A drone Not Living nor Loving What is left of who I am So much has been taken So much has been lost I am not living nor dead The pain in my head grows The crack of my bones sharpens My eyes lose lust My hair grows dull Yet you don't know No one knows And no one ever will I am lost among the living I am an outcast thrown to the wind... __________________ Moving on Is the hardest Part Last edited by Moon Doggy; Jul 03, 2006 at 03:49 PM.
Status: Offline

Jun 30, 2006, 07:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
Immortal Warrior Newbie Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: MI Posts: 31 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: Lost umung the Living *siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. For starters friends, run it through Word first. Spelling errors all over the place. Among, not umung. It's living, not liveing, and it's right, not rite. And the whole thing is so cliche; I hate life, everyone ignores me, my life is terrible, I hate everyone. Try to think a little outside the box on that. Find a more specific topic. That and get a bit more creative. __________________ Writing is life again.
Status: Offline

Jun 30, 2006, 07:33 PM	#3 (permalink)
forever a dreamer Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In my little imaginary world Posts: 102 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 436	Re: Lost umung the Living well, Immortal Warrior seems to have covered all the mistakes - but i thought that it was a very good poem - but i do agree that you made it a bit to dreary , but over all, 2 thumbs up! __________________ You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same. Thanks Hieislove for the siggy!
Status: Offline

Jul 03, 2006, 03:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
Moon Doggy Newbie Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: I Live In the Last Place You Would Expect Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: Lost umung the Living I really don't care about spelling and my life sucks rite now....everything is falling apart and i want to die horibly...so next time don't read my poems if you want something more ... spacific...i don't have to submitt these so ya know i do it for my self not for your pleasure...it feels good when someone puts me down so thank you Immortal Warrior it was verry kind of you to give me that satisfaction >:} p.s. there i fixed it!!!!! and i am thirteen...do you really expect me to pay anyattention in Grammar?!?!?!?!...Plus you should be able to tell be the way i rite that i have really sucky friends! __________________ Moving on Is the hardest Part Last edited by Moon Doggy; Jul 03, 2006 at 03:52 PM.
Status: Offline

Jul 05, 2006, 02:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
Immortal Warrior Newbie Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: MI Posts: 31 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: Lost umung the Living Boohoo, I'm 15 and I was using correct grammar when I was 11. Sure life is shit, we all know that, but we make do with what we've got. If you don't want someone to take your work seriously, then don't post it here, because we're not all going to say "oh it's so wonderful you're amazing," when you spell a word like right, wrong. And next time, I won't waste my time editing your stuff for you, so you're welcome for the helpful input, and kid...come on, get your head out of your ass. No matter how bad life is, there's always something more that we can make out of it. Even when there's nothing left to live for, nothing more to gain, keep going just to prove that life can't beat you. I'm stubborn, and it's pulled me through when I'm taking damage, and I know it can't beat you down. There's always something more that we can do to make life better. Keep looking for it. Good luck. __________________ Writing is life again.
Status: Offline

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