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Thread: Love

  1. #1
    Newbie Mitzuechan is off to a good start Mitzuechan's Avatar
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    Love

    Love
    the ones you love,
    are the ones you hate.
    If you share the love,
    you will get what you gave.
    but when the love is gone
    it dissappears,
    until you know
    that some one loves you
    and that someone
    says
    "I Love You'
    and you know your heart will
    soar!





    i think i am a little rusty at writing poems... i am used to writing books not poems.
    (good thing i looked over the poem... i think i got all of the spelling errors... ^^')
    Last edited by Mitzuechan; Nov 10, 2007 at 10:54 PM.

  2. #2
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    Well... yea.. this poem is kinda odd...
    I didn't really understand the idea "the ones you love are the ones you hate", but that is more just my minus... my foult... my bad.. Could you explain?
    Oh... wait I got it- when you love, it's easier to hate. Or... when love dies- only hate can arise from its dust... Did I get it right?

    The other problem is the rhythm... Or is it just because of how I read? O.o I dunno... it felt odd in places.
    And maybe you should find another word for love, cuz it repeats a lot... though I know it is hard to do find synonyms for some words... I'm writtin a story where I have to repeat "cards" all the time... it's so bad!!!!! But I can't find no synonym for "cards"!!! Lol ^^
    Actually... i read it again.. and the rhythm at the beggining is very nice- the begining is very nice, but then... it becomes odd... though it's ok...

    And the ending is just very nice... the idea you say there is nice... Because it is so damn true!!! Even in the best relationships your heart still soares...

    Well you've done a nice work... And put a great deal of nice ideas in a very short poem. I hope I wasn't too harsh... I just love when people are like that to me, cuz I know what's wrong with my writing then ^^

    Anyways... I'm looking forward for more!!!! But I'm craving even more for a story (book) by you!!!!! Please post!!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Re: Love

    odd eh Lasura? Then watch this video.. YouTube - Azumanga Q - The More You Ruv Someone

    *sings along*

    Hmm well...you can still improve my friend.. don't worry.. a nice ending... but like what Lasura said... try to make the poem more...realistic... and another suggestion is...put more description ^^ and use a nice style of using words.. methaphores... ^^ u know..

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

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    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    Cute peom, and its got some points to it, just need punctions, and stuff.

    Over all its darlin
    Shippo is determined to become a lvl higher
    I'm a solider of Pen and Paper!
    <3 Atomik_Sprout <3

  5. #5
    Newbie Mitzuechan is off to a good start Mitzuechan's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    Lawls i think you got my point... again i am not used to writting poems!!! oh ya... i have new poems... but they suck!!!

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    Quote Originally Posted by Mitzuechan View Post
    Lawls i think you got my point... again i am not used to writting poems!!! oh ya... i have new poems... but they suck!!!
    Awww... they probably don't. you sure can post ^^ no one here is evil and no one will put your work down, we'll just help you with our comments and suggestions, though I know how bad even that could feel ^^
    You can PM me or something if you want some help ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Newbie Mitzuechan is off to a good start Mitzuechan's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    hey you guys i don't have a poem to put on but i do have a preview of my next book!!
    (if there are any spelling errors ignore them!!)
    Creatures screaming.
    a life with out death, a meaningless day, always has one thing to add to the meaning of the night. darkness and light, each have a mourning and each have a night.
    out of the darkness comes a mid-evil force. weather if it was planed or not nothing can stop the one who will reach havoc.
    all of the joy will eventually leave you heart. darkness and the shrieking will fill the hollow part in your mind. the lights will go away, the shadows will become the creatures of you imagination.
    the heat becomes cold, your skin turns pale you feel like you'll never be happy again. the gates open from your imagination and releases all horrors.
    the one day becomes the day of the after life. screaming children freak you out, glass shatters and the lights go out. the unholy presence is the one who will be the one to destroy all hope for the future.
    walking in circles, you pray that this day not to come. the wind blows and the shadows come speaking the language of the dead. the ghosts don't stay to watch, the fly away not leaving a trace. the shadows warn the spirits of the living about the day of the dead. restless spirits go, a new version of the dead will arrive.
    children hide in the closets with the goblins and ghouls. terrified, petrified or not, it will happen. a devil baby keeps living. with the lives of other children, too the creatures the devil baby is just another human to harm.



    (more to be told tomorrow!!! ^^)
    Last edited by Mitzuechan; Nov 10, 2007 at 10:54 PM.

  8. #8
    Otaku BAUTIFULSOUL is off to a good start BAUTIFULSOUL's Avatar
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    Re: Love

    nice poem i understand the part about the ones you love are the ones you hates, cause its kind of true in a way...good job. keep it up!!=)

    IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY, YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BEATING FOR YOU.
    THIS BEAUTIFUL SIG MADE BY LASURA=D


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