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Thread: Love is forever

  1. #1
    Otaku Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day
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    Love is forever

    Love is Forever

    I told you I love you,
    But you said you dont love me.
    I´ve cried, I´ve tried to move on,
    But it's impossible.
    It's impossible to forget you,
    Your face,
    Your smile,
    The fact that when am with you,
    I smile.
    And no matter how many people tell me to move on,
    I cant,
    'Cause I´ll love you forever,
    And the fact that even though I am not with you,
    I see you smile,
    And it fixes everything.
    It gives me hope,
    That someday,
    My dream will come true.


    "Ok I fixed it, so don´t bother anymore and thank you! lol"
    Last edited by Hitokiri Battousai; Jul 01, 2006 at 05:04 PM.

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    Otaku forever a dreamer may be famous one day forever a dreamer may be famous one day forever a dreamer's Avatar
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    Re: Love is forever

    Very beautiful! most inspiring! i escecially liked the end, "it gives me hope that someday my dreams will come true" I can kinda relate to this poem, too. Even if hope is all you have, thats all you need.
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same.

    Thanks Hieislove for the siggy!

  3. #3
    Newbie Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior's Avatar
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    Re: Love is forever

    AHH THE GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING ERRORS ARE JUST HIDEOUS!!!! AH HELL MY EYES!!! The poem itself is beautiful but you absolutely DESTROYED the english language!!
    Love is Forever

    I told you I love you
    but you said you dont love me
    I´ve cry, I´ve try to move on
    but its impossible
    its impossible to forget you
    your face
    your smile
    the fact that when am with you
    I smile
    and no matter how many ppl tell me to move on
    I cant
    cuz I´ll love you forever
    and the fact that even though am not with you
    I see you smile
    and it fixes everything
    it gives me hope
    that someday
    my dream will come true
    The grammatically correct version.

    I told you I love you,
    But you said you dont love me.
    I´ve cried, I´ve tried to move on,
    But it's impossible.
    It's impossible to forget you,
    Your face,
    Your smile,
    The fact that when am with you,
    I smile.
    And no matter how many people tell me to move on,
    I cant,
    'Cause I´ll love you forever,
    And the fact that even though I am not with you,
    I see you smile,
    And it fixes everything.
    It gives me hope,
    That someday,
    My dream will come true.

    It's a decent poem, very deep and I wrote a poem sorta' similar to this one, Let Me See You Smile. Nobody has any rhythm in poetry these days though. Try to give it some flow you know what I mean? It's hard to read, like it's just a bunch of solid blocks of text. Keep trying but please, use microsoft word!
    Writing is life again.

  4. #4
    Otaku Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day
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    Re: Love is forever

    lol when it comes to feelings, gramatical errors doesnt matter

  5. #5
    Newbie Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior's Avatar
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    Re: Love is forever

    *sigh. Kid don't pull that kind of bull and expect people to say "oh it's emotion, it's awesome." You have to be able to at least know things like suffixes and at least somewhat proper grammar if you want to make a respectable piece of work. Oh and if you don't want criticizm, I wouldn't recommend posting it here.
    Writing is life again.

  6. #6
    Otaku NaDa- may be famous one day NaDa- may be famous one day NaDa-'s Avatar
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    Re: Love is forever

    Decent poem, good job! (Excluding the grammar)
    Also as Immortal said you could give it a better "flow"

    EDIT: Yes grammar does count even when it comes to feelings. It will have a better effect if it is grammatically correct and the person whom is receiving it will take it more seriously.
    Last edited by NaDa-; Jul 01, 2006 at 08:34 PM.

  7. #7
    Otaku Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day
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    Re: Love is forever

    Quote Originally Posted by Immortal Warrior
    *sigh. Kid don't pull that kind of bull and expect people to say "oh it's emotion, it's awesome." You have to be able to at least know things like suffixes and at least somewhat proper grammar if you want to make a respectable piece of work. Oh and if you don't want criticizm, I wouldn't recommend posting it here.
    The thing is that Iam not a native english speaker, but even though, i wasnt really caring about it when i was writing it and most of the mistakes were on purpose so ..
    I´ll try to write better next time, sorry n thanks

  8. #8
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    Re: Love is forever

    Not native, so I assumed. Don't get me wrong kid, it's a good poem and all, but you get my point. Keep writing, and if you need help on something, drop me a PM. Deep stuff too, cuz trust me, I've been there and I know what that is like.
    Writing is life again.

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