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Thread: Loves Desire

  1. #1
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Loves Desire

    Feelings start to rise
    That I never knew I had
    Changing me life for good
    Making things clear
    Opening my heart
    To fully love you
    You are all I live for
    Knowing you are there
    Making me laugh and smile
    Making me love you more
    With every passing minute
    Knowing you feel as you do
    Makes my life complete
    Holding you close
    Is all I desire
    To be near you every day
    Creating a life with you
    Is all my love desires

    I just wrote this a moment ago
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  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    The opening was good in short phrases. but the lack of punctuation causes bad flow through the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    thanks for your comment Kasai. I didn't really think of punctuation at the time..i just wanted to get how i felt across.
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    Otaku Fish Hunter 2 Champion, Ice Mania Champion, Pigeon Hunter Champion, Bear & Cat Champion exderz may be famous one day exderz may be famous one day exderz's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    i think you should use proper grammar...it is cool...but when u read it...its not that right. you know what i mean?

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    Re: Loves Desire

    I think you got you feeling across very well! I mean you can tell the poem is written from the heart or at least what's on your mind! I honestly would like to see more of your work Maj Saz! Wonderful job on your poem.

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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    I heard your feelings loud and clear and I liked reading the Poem. Not saying this is bad but it sounds alittle like your other poem you did today. Even though I liked reading both of then. Just not a fan to read things over and over again.

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    10 10 10 10 and 10 points for this poem right here, i never thought anyone would use the word complete, i have never seen anyone using that one, you did real good wit this one, nice!!!!!!

  8. #8
    5.00 M33-6 solking may be famous one day solking may be famous one day solking's Avatar
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    Re: Loves Desire

    Sometimes I don't reply to the poems because everyone knows they are about me. But this one was good I understand everything that you were saying and I enjoyed.

    I agree with the punctuation comment that was previously said. It would help alot and hopefully you keep that in mind when you write again.

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