+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Luv

  1. #1
    Otaku SasukePorter is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Columbus
    Posts
    149
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Luv

    I Love you now,
    I Loved you then.
    I'll Love you always,
    From way back when.

    I Love being with you,
    I Love that your in my life.
    I Love when we are together,
    I Love that your my wife!

    I Love you right now,
    Til I can't Love you no more.
    I Love you with my last breath,
    Then I will LOVE you some more.

    ..........................................
    Dont Be A Fool Be The Leader & Live Your Life

    Haha Never Let The Bad Bring You Down

  2. #2
    Otaku Mattness may be famous one day Mattness may be famous one day Mattness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Chapel Hill, North Carolina
    Posts
    311
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Luv

    This is a good poem but it lacked some of the emotions that I like to see in a love poem. Good start though!


  3. #3
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Life is an illusion.
    Posts
    2,429
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts

    Re: Luv

    Not very romantic are you?
    Not bad for a start, but keep practicing. Also, try adding words like adore, if you want.

  4. #4
    Otaku SasukePorter is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Columbus
    Posts
    149
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: Luv

    >< Thank yall ^.^ im ust to doin sad poems and thanks ill take that into mind ^^ i should have one later on this week k till then bye bye
    Dont Be A Fool Be The Leader & Live Your Life

    Haha Never Let The Bad Bring You Down

  5. #5
    Otaku Just Pitching Champion, Mile High Club Champion, Penguin Dive Champion, Gold Strike Champion Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    368
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts

    Re: Luv

    The theme or thought is good, but the words seem somewhat forced and it doesn't flow so well for me. I guess because of the "I love" "I love" starting at the begining of almost every line. It's still pretty good otherwise with the thought you had in mind.

    Just keep writing, and I'll keep reading..... Or will I?

    Come dance in the rain with me, no one is watching.

  6. #6
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    2,643
    Thanks
    235
    Thanked 166 Times in 141 Posts

    Re: Luv

    Quote Originally Posted by Mattness View Post
    This is a good poem but it lacked some of the emotions that I like to see in a love poem. Good start though!
    Agreed. This poem was well written, the stanzas were evenly portioned and it rhymed very well, but it was lacking that emotional feeling that is expected from most love poems. It's almost like you were saying the same phrase but with different wording. But it was still a good poem and one hell of a start. Good job! I hope to read more of your work.


  7. #7
    Otaku SasukePorter is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Columbus
    Posts
    149
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: Luv

    i should just stop..... there is no point in trying anymore
    Dont Be A Fool Be The Leader & Live Your Life

    Haha Never Let The Bad Bring You Down

+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts