Well I found some flow in there, but lost it while swimming through it. I suppose it would be more apparent if there was an actual band behind that song, but alas this is the internetz.
Good on the spelling and grammar I believe, so that's good.
It checks out, though it sparked nothing more but a stale and monotonous feeling on the inside that just faded after a few moments.
Still, well written in the sense of above.