yggdrasill0117

I wrote these, my first go at a song of any kind so, constructive criticism would be nice =]
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I stand cold in the rain
There are puddles of blood and clouds of pain
My dreams: of sunshine and happiness;
She walks by and shatters them
….And then pain

The present ends, I go back to bad memories
Of good times in the summer breeze
They are no more, why hold on to them?
I don’t know,
But they still remain

All is lost; the past is the present,
It has repeated once more
Things don’t look good
Bad things, surely in store

The present ends, I go back to bad memories
Of good times in the summer breeze
They are no more, why hold on to them?
I don’t know,
But they still remain

Death, despair, depression:
All words I have become familiar with
Is this the end? I ask myself over and over
Always no, but who’s to say about next time

Tetsanosuke Kirikami

Well I found some flow in there, but lost it while swimming through it. I suppose it would be more apparent if there was an actual band behind that song, but alas this is the internetz.

Good on the spelling and grammar I believe, so that's good.

It checks out, though it sparked nothing more but a stale and monotonous feeling on the inside that just faded after a few moments.

Still, well written in the sense of above.

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yggdrasill0117

yes yes, I see what you mean.
The whole point of it, is having good memories, but something happens and you aren't sure of whether you should consider them good anymore. The confusion of all this leads to the contradictory statement "bad memories of good times."
But the guitar part for it starts out really clean and cheerful, then changes to medium distortion with gritty vocals, and by the end it has screaming and heavy distortion. The chorus has a mysterious tone.
I hope that clears some of it up =]