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Thread: Lyrics, poetic lyrics

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    Newbie yggdrasill0117 is off to a good start yggdrasill0117's Avatar
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    Lyrics, poetic lyrics

    I wrote these, my first go at a song of any kind so, constructive criticism would be nice =]
    ----------------
    I stand cold in the rain
    There are puddles of blood and clouds of pain
    My dreams: of sunshine and happiness;
    She walks by and shatters them
    ….And then pain

    The present ends, I go back to bad memories
    Of good times in the summer breeze
    They are no more, why hold on to them?
    I don’t know,
    But they still remain

    All is lost; the past is the present,
    It has repeated once more
    Things don’t look good
    Bad things, surely in store

    The present ends, I go back to bad memories
    Of good times in the summer breeze
    They are no more, why hold on to them?
    I don’t know,
    But they still remain

    Death, despair, depression:
    All words I have become familiar with
    Is this the end? I ask myself over and over
    Always no, but who’s to say about next time

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    Otaku Tetsanosuke Kirikami is off to a good start Tetsanosuke Kirikami's Avatar
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    Re: Lyrics, poetic lyrics

    Well I found some flow in there, but lost it while swimming through it. I suppose it would be more apparent if there was an actual band behind that song, but alas this is the internetz.

    Good on the spelling and grammar I believe, so that's good.

    It checks out, though it sparked nothing more but a stale and monotonous feeling on the inside that just faded after a few moments.

    Still, well written in the sense of above.



    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."

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    Newbie yggdrasill0117 is off to a good start yggdrasill0117's Avatar
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    Re: Lyrics, poetic lyrics

    yes yes, I see what you mean.
    The whole point of it, is having good memories, but something happens and you aren't sure of whether you should consider them good anymore. The confusion of all this leads to the contradictory statement "bad memories of good times."
    But the guitar part for it starts out really clean and cheerful, then changes to medium distortion with gritty vocals, and by the end it has screaming and heavy distortion. The chorus has a mysterious tone.
    I hope that clears some of it up =]

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