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Thread: Make the visions

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Make the visions

    I.
    I close my eyes.
    And, I make the visions move.

    Move me right through,
    Through the turmoil... to...
    the touch of his hand.
    I'm sinking in sand.

    Sand so thick,
    Could sink me quick.
    So, I move slow.

    So slow.
    Touch, from a hand
    of a man....
    ....I do not know.
    The visions grow.

    And, I move again.
    Late night conversation.

    We talk like friends,
    Admire my creation......................
    Admire the vision.
    I'm seeking his wisdom.
    He's seeking my strength.

    He's got the rope,
    but there's not enough length.
    Only the visions can pull me out. Quick-sand,
    the only movement in my drought.

    But
    I
    can
    make
    my
    visions
    move.

    If I believe it,
    I will see it.
    They pull me out,
    and so, I prove.

    I make the visions move.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Newbie Echo is off to a good start
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    Re: Make the visions

    Interesting...very interesting actually.
    I liked it alot...it had a good vibe to it, and I just liked the way you set it up in general.
    It makes me want to read more of your work, it' s something that I would remember at the end of the day ^-^
    http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb19/OfeliasFire/BlueProxy-1024_768-1.jpg
    "I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping to learn a bit bout' what is true and fake"

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    Peach_follows (Feb 17, 2008)

  4. #3
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    Re: Make the visions

    Well thank you, I will take being memorable... and run with it. I wrote it on the spur of the moment. And, I really don't know what possesed me to structure it this way. Guess I just wanted to experiment.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  5. #4
    Newbie Echo is off to a good start
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    Re: Make the visions

    Well once again I say great work :]
    Yeah, I know what you mean by spur of the moment, alot of my poetry is created that way.
    I can't name all of the times I have been just laying on my bed looking at the ceiling and all of a sudden I get the best idea, I hop up and I write a full-length poem out of nowhere lol.
    I'm so weird >.<
    http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb19/OfeliasFire/BlueProxy-1024_768-1.jpg
    "I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping to learn a bit bout' what is true and fake"

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    Peach_follows (Feb 23, 2008)

  7. #5
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Make the visions

    Wow, very cool.
    I mean the way you wrote the piece enhanced the last phrase. Making it seem real. Again, just as echo had said - interesting. I should try experimenting too You're really creative, that's something to be admired ^^

  8. #6
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    Cool Re: Make the visions

    Quote Originally Posted by Echo View Post
    Well once again I say great work :]
    Yeah, I know what you mean by spur of the moment, alot of my poetry is created that way.
    I can't name all of the times I have been just laying on my bed looking at the ceiling and all of a sudden I get the best idea, I hop up and I write a full-length poem out of nowhere lol.
    I'm so weird >.<
    Well, If you're weird, you're not alone. My ceiling is stucco. All of the textured bumps.... They make pictures in my mind.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Newbie Echo is off to a good start
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    Re: Make the visions

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    Well, If you're weird, you're not alone. My ceiling is stucco. All of the textured bumps.... They make pictures in my mind.

    My ceiling is tiles so I usually end up counting them...though for some reason I can never remember the exact number I come up with.

    My walls though are painted black splotches over pink so I have alot of fun with that lol. In one corner of my room I can always picture the lochness monster :]
    http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb19/OfeliasFire/BlueProxy-1024_768-1.jpg
    "I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping to learn a bit bout' what is true and fake"

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