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Thread: Mask With The Broken Smile

  1. #1
    Newbie Nekomata is off to a good start Nekomata's Avatar
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    Mask With The Broken Smile

    Mask With The Broken Smile

    My mind was bent,
    my soul turned black.
    My heart was shattered,
    and now your back.

    You took something that day,
    something very precious to me.
    That something you took,
    was innocence you see.

    You robbed me of my life,
    and my very sanity.
    And now your'e back to do it again,
    Why can't you let me be?

    The child I once was,
    so carefree and wild.
    Had turned cold and quiet,
    and you only smiled.

    Now the little child I thought I knew,
    hides behind a mask that looks like me.
    A smiling little child in a shattered mirror,
    hiding behind this mask that looks like me.

    Are you happy now,
    so cruel and vile.
    The little child whose life you shattered,
    now hides behind this mask with the broken smile.


    Yay, another poem. If no one saw my other peom all critizisms are welcome. Also, check out my other peom please.

  2. #2
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    Wow!!!! It seem so deep!!!!! Thats just so amazing how you make these poems so quickly. I already saw your other one and I liked it. I like this one as well. I know you'll make more but I hope to see more anyway!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    Wooo hooo!!! I love it... Very smooth rythm. I write in a simular style quite often. You have proven to be very gifted with your wording. I am most definately going to look at your others now. Keep on expressing yourself, I can't wait to see more.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    very good poem and how you described
    innocence being took was great because
    ones life can be changed by how others
    treat them or even interact with them.

    everyone has something took from them
    and those who claim to have never changed
    have changed more than they realise and thats sad.

    but this poem is really great
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    A wonderful poem!!! Why does everything I read here so much reminds me of myslef... this poem truly does... innocence taken away, a child that has turned cold and quiet...
    This poem tells a great story and has many stong feelings in it, like sadness and anger...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  6. #6
    Newbie Nekomata is off to a good start Nekomata's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    You guys are so supporting and I have many more poems just waiting to be posted. You'll have them soon I promise. Thanks guys, for your support. I have another poem floating around somewhere. It's called My Will, be sure to check it out.

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    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Mask With The Broken Smile

    Yes yes, it does sounds like peaches's poems =p ^^ I found the title quite similar to the one I read some time back, tho in another theme, I think the poem did a great job impressing me, I will surely look forward to your next.

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