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Thread: Me without you

  1. #1
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Me without you

    Michelle you said to me
    Embracing me but you let me go so I can see

    Without you you'll know I'll still love you
    It makes me wonder if you feel the same too
    The lies, the tears, the fights, and the rage
    Having you always protected me from that making me feel lie a bird out of it's cage
    Out here now I feel your hand holding mine
    Understanding it was all lies as I list those fantasy in line
    Though thanks to you I find out you and I will find our real love

    You make me feel the same like the others saying I'm their angel above
    Oh well now I can see we weren't ment to be
    Understanding again that my true love is still waiting for me

    It's an Acrostis so it's like YEAH!!!!! WooHOO!!!! I hope everyone likes it!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  2. #2
    Paper Master waterdude may be famous one day waterdude may be famous one day waterdude's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    that is cool i like it alot it. you should put up more poems.

  3. #3
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    it was good, lots of feeling... but i think it would help if there weren't so many pronouns like "you" and "i"... now, using it so often may tie into the them of the poem (you and the person you love), however if used too much it sounds repetitive...

    so, if you'd like to review it, i'd suggest highlighting all the pronouns used, and then try to find a creative way to say what you feel without so many pronouns...

    besides that, looks great!

    i like the acrostics thingy too! very cute!

  4. #4
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    I thank you too so much!!! I thank you very much!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  5. #5
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    good job kiwi*thinking*hmmmm...........mitchelle loljustkidding great work u thaught me something new 2day tnz love it by tha way♥(as well known as)the princess
    Yeah, Bye.

  6. #6
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    @.@ wow~! such a creative work~! Subarashi kuwi chan~! kire~!!!

    I never thought of making a poem this style... hmm... nice work *does the gai sensei nice guy pose*


    ^^
    (u sure would win crosswords @.@ better not play this game with her ehehe...)

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  7. #7
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: Me without you

    I thank you both very much! I really thank you as well! I thank you so kindly!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  8. #8
    Banned Pyramid Gold Champion, Triathlon Champion, Panik: Pogomania Champion Little negi sensei is off to a good start
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    Re: Me without you

    I really like it.It must have taken a while to come up with the words to spell out "without you" and for the poem to still make sense.i admire your work.great job

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