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Thread: Memories

  1. #1
    Newbie Naomi Vaine is off to a good start Naomi Vaine's Avatar
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    Memories

    The city sleeps and the shadows grow
    There's a soft glow in the window from a candle burning red
    A cool chill crosses over my face as memories flood back
    From another time before our relationship was erased

    Another time
    Another place
    Another feeling burning my face

    Who is this figure three floors up?
    Is it the one I once loved?
    Is it the one who once made my heart sing?
    The one who's kisses still linger on my cheek?

    Another time
    Another place
    Another feeling burning my face
    Eating my soul and chrushing my heart

    I should have known from the start
    That you would be fake
    And lost in your daydreams
    Harsh with words and making it seem like
    You where perfect in every way
    Willing to love me by night
    But a jerk by day

    Another time
    Another place
    Another feeling burning my face
    Eating my soul and chrushing my heart
    ... Leaving me alone in the moonless dark
    _______________________________________

    I wrote this out of anger, obviously. please leave you honest comments.
    I think I've known you all along.
    I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
    I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
    So ask me now and I'll run away with you.

  2. #2
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    Honest comments?
    I think it would make a good song, [to me anyway xD]

    It's got a nice flow to it as well.

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    Naomi Vaine (Jan 12, 2009)

  4. #3
    Newbie Naomi Vaine is off to a good start Naomi Vaine's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    Quote Originally Posted by Rave_Grip View Post
    Honest comments?
    I think it would make a good song, [to me anyway xD]

    It's got a nice flow to it as well.
    thank you. I'm used to writting lyrics so that where the flow came from.
    I think I've known you all along.
    I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
    I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
    So ask me now and I'll run away with you.

  5. #4
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    I applaue to your wonderful Poem, and yet Rave is right, it does sound more like a song, I'm rather touched by your enthusiams. I'm looking forward to hear more from you.

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    Naomi Vaine (Jan 12, 2009)

  7. #5
    Newbie Naomi Vaine is off to a good start Naomi Vaine's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    Quote Originally Posted by hellknight View Post
    I applaue to your wonderful Poem, and yet Rave is right, it does sound more like a song, I'm rather touched by your enthusiams. I'm looking forward to hear more from you.

    thank you so much. this is the first poem I have posted here. and becasue of you, I might start posting my writting here more often.
    I think I've known you all along.
    I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
    I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
    So ask me now and I'll run away with you.

  8. #6
    Fallen Angel of Darkness mangalovertje may be famous one day mangalovertje may be famous one day mangalovertje's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    I really liked this poem...
    It seems happy in the beginning...
    But then going to sadness...
    I like it really...
    Wanna read more from you...^_^...
    We are affraid of losing controle...But why should you be affraid of losing it...While you didnt have it...

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to mangalovertje For This Useful Post:

    Naomi Vaine (Jan 16, 2009)

  10. #7
    Newbie Naomi Vaine is off to a good start Naomi Vaine's Avatar
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    Re: Memories

    thank you. I love the comments you're leaving but please dont be afraid to hurt my feelings. I want to know what I do differantly, and what would make it better.
    I think I've known you all along.
    I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
    I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
    So ask me now and I'll run away with you.

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