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I think it would make a good song, [to me anyway xD]
It's got a nice flow to it as well.
The city sleeps and the shadows grow
There's a soft glow in the window from a candle burning red
A cool chill crosses over my face as memories flood back
From another time before our relationship was erased
Another time
Another place
Another feeling burning my face
Who is this figure three floors up?
Is it the one I once loved?
Is it the one who once made my heart sing?
The one who's kisses still linger on my cheek?
Another time
Another place
Another feeling burning my face
Eating my soul and chrushing my heart
I should have known from the start
That you would be fake
And lost in your daydreams
Harsh with words and making it seem like
You where perfect in every way
Willing to love me by night
But a jerk by day
Another time
Another place
Another feeling burning my face
Eating my soul and chrushing my heart
... Leaving me alone in the moonless dark
_______________________________________
I wrote this out of anger, obviously. please leave you honest comments.
I think I've known you all along.
I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
So ask me now and I'll run away with you.
Honest comments?
I think it would make a good song, [to me anyway xD]
It's got a nice flow to it as well.
Naomi Vaine (Jan 12, 2009)
thank you. I'm used to writting lyrics so that where the flow came from.Originally Posted by Rave_Grip
I think I've known you all along.
I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
So ask me now and I'll run away with you.
I applaue to your wonderful Poem, and yet Rave is right, it does sound more like a song, I'm rather touched by your enthusiams. I'm looking forward to hear more from you.
Naomi Vaine (Jan 12, 2009)
thank you so much. this is the first poem I have posted here. and becasue of you, I might start posting my writting here more often.
I think I've known you all along.
I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
So ask me now and I'll run away with you.
I really liked this poem...
It seems happy in the beginning...
But then going to sadness...
I like it really...
Wanna read more from you...^_^...
We are affraid of losing controle...But why should you be affraid of losing it...While you didnt have it...
Naomi Vaine (Jan 16, 2009)
thank you. I love the comments you're leaving but please dont be afraid to hurt my feelings. I want to know what I do differantly, and what would make it better.
I think I've known you all along.
I just lost your face in the crowed for a while.
I think I've been holding my breath all my life, until you found me here tonight.
So ask me now and I'll run away with you.
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