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Thread: memory lane

  1. #1
    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    memory lane

    As I walk down the road of memory lane.
    I turn and see all the hard lessons I've gained.
    I see my gullibleness and how I was so naive.
    I see all my mistakes and in turn the blows I've received.
    I also see all those people who simply come and go,
    People who are unimportant and names i do not know.
    And even though your memory was quite recent.
    I can assure you that your mark was quite decent.
    I look back at those memories no longer sad.
    I look and think of all the cute moments we had.
    I remember your warm hugs, our first kiss.
    And a lot of other things that from you I"ll miss.
    Yet as I look back I am still walking forward.
    To add more to my memory lane is what I'm walking toward.
    every rose has a thorn

  2. #2
    Otaku Marcel_C may be famous one day Marcel_C may be famous one day Marcel_C's Avatar
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    Re: memory lane

    OMG I LOVE YOU! That was magnificent! Makes me really feel like I do when me and a girlfriend brake up after a long relationship (that I thought was going great) BE MY FRIEND PLEASE! lol That was very beautiful! I loved it!

    What I'm watching Right Now:

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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: memory lane

    This poem made me smile real big! ^_^

    I'm very fond of this poem. I especially like how even though you speak of the past, your poem teaches to keep moving forward. Something we all need to do. Your rhyming was good as well. Keep up the great work! I hope to read more of your work.

    Kudos!


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    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
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    Re: memory lane

    that is like the best poem i have read in a while. the rhyming was perfect the structure of the lines. I love it all.
    Even the message and emotions it gives. It is a masterpiece. Keep up the good work.
    ^^

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: memory lane

    In this poem the first thing that caught my attention was the redundancy of the word I, but you broke it up using words like People, And, and Yet! Great job of breaking up the constant repetition of the word I. I also like the flow of the poem, particularly the rhyme scheme and how each word seems to fit and suit exactly what you are are trying to convey! I must admit that your poem truly reaches out to everyone that has experienced something exactly like this or similar! Also within this poem I see great usage of punctuation, so my hats off to you for catching the minor things and focusing my attention to the bigger picture which is your emotions that make this poem a success and overall sango a great poem! I seen your poems improve since I first met you on AO and I see that you are progressing into a brilliant writer! In my opinion you have found your poetry style, but I also know that you are versatile and can switch up when you feel like it! Once again Sangogirl my hats off to you and your wonderful poem! (Don't take my critique as trying to stifle you but trying to help a fellow poet out!)

  6. #6
    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    Re: memory lane

    thanks people for your comments. it helps a lot to know what people think of my poems since this is the only place i share them. and yes i've been trying to take in everything people have said in my last poems (blue fox) and using them in my future ones. so please don't be shy of critiqing it, it's what makes me a better writer.
    every rose has a thorn

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