+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 14

Thread: Midnight's Playmates

  1. #1
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Midnight's Playmates

    Stars emark on slowly filling the empty spaces
    of that indigo colored sky which I love so much.
    Lonely, they start to comfort each other up there,
    one after the other.. appearing and reappearing in different sections.
    A game is what they play.
    A game in the sky,
    they sliently play with me.

    Lights from a city building start to push their way
    through the glass-filled windows, illuminating the streets below,
    enveloped in cold darkness.
    Once they scream their energy out to the world, other lights flicker on, from different buildings now,
    shedding their anxiousness onto the streets.
    A game is what they play.
    A game on the city streets,
    they play with each other.

    Crickets start to chirp loudly for attention in the dark depths of grass.
    Other insects, sensing their friendly attempt at meeting others,
    join into the harmony of song, until there is a symphony of insects going on in the grass.
    A game is what they play.
    A playful game of tag,
    is what they play in the ground.

    People start to come out at this hour of night.
    They feel the chill of midnight air caress their skin and smile.
    It is time to go out and have a good night.
    Others join in on the fun, forgeting about that dreadful thing called morning;
    and how morning brings responsibility.
    People start to move and wander in the streets.
    A game is what they play.
    A game of hide and seek,
    they play with the morning sun.

    Alas, the moon joins in on the fun.
    Being isolated for hours, alone in that big, dark sky.
    It comes out, hearing the wolves serenade to it.
    It smiles.
    A game it what it plays.
    A game of happiness,
    it plays with the wolves down below.

    Midnight brings many pleasures to the earth.
    Joy and sorrow, anxiety and relaxation.
    Different moods it gives to different people.
    A game is what plays.
    A game of silent mischief,
    is what it plays with the planet.

    Well, that's my official 'first' poem. I had fun creating it. Hope you had fun reading it! Comments and Constructive Critisism is always welcomed
    Last edited by The White Wolf; Mar 02, 2007 at 10:04 AM.

  2. #2
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Not somewhere I love but I am glad I have a home so far
    Posts
    3,804
    Thanks
    82
    Thanked 61 Times in 56 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    omg...everything turned dark...it must be the poem.. lol
    nice poem withey~!
    wheee midnight i shall greet ur arrival with this poem tonight lol...
    maybe i should make another 1... hmm...

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    The very first line.. "Stars start to slowly fill the empty spaces"

    I believe "start" could be changed into something else. The dictionary and the thesaurus are your friend.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #4
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Under The Sea, Florida
    Posts
    1,533
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    Well like Kasai was saying change it to something like begins

    "stars begin to slowly fill the empty spaces"

    It would sound better to. I loved the poem. For the first one for you to do I give it a 10/10 being your first one and it turned out so awsome. Keep up the good work and I hope to read your next one and it being even better then the first.
    Last edited by Ky-lyrra; Mar 02, 2007 at 10:13 AM.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  5. #5
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    Thank you all so much for reviewing my poem! Thank you, Kasai and Ky-chan for the suggestion. I'll look up a synonym for it right away! Thank you, again!

  6. #6
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Under The Sea, Florida
    Posts
    1,533
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    Your welcome and go with begin because that sounds as if it completes the whole sentence. I love the name that you have given the poem it fits it perfectly Wolf-chan.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  7. #7
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    Thank you, Ky-lyrra-chan. I thought it described the poem perfectly well too! I changed the first few lines already, I don't think you noticed, but I did. Does it still sound a little rocky, or shall I change it to "begin"? What do you think, ky-chan??

  8. #8
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Under The Sea, Florida
    Posts
    1,533
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Midnight's Playmates

    emark doesn't sound right to me. I don't know it's just something about it. Other then that it is great still.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts