omg...everything turned dark...it must be the poem.. lol
nice poem withey~!![]()
wheee midnight i shall greet ur arrival with this poem tonight lol...
maybe i should make another 1... hmm...
Stars emark on slowly filling the empty spaces
of that indigo colored sky which I love so much.
Lonely, they start to comfort each other up there,
one after the other.. appearing and reappearing in different sections.
A game is what they play.
A game in the sky,
they sliently play with me.
Lights from a city building start to push their way
through the glass-filled windows, illuminating the streets below,
enveloped in cold darkness.
Once they scream their energy out to the world, other lights flicker on, from different buildings now,
shedding their anxiousness onto the streets.
A game is what they play.
A game on the city streets,
they play with each other.
Crickets start to chirp loudly for attention in the dark depths of grass.
Other insects, sensing their friendly attempt at meeting others,
join into the harmony of song, until there is a symphony of insects going on in the grass.
A game is what they play.
A playful game of tag,
is what they play in the ground.
People start to come out at this hour of night.
They feel the chill of midnight air caress their skin and smile.
It is time to go out and have a good night.
Others join in on the fun, forgeting about that dreadful thing called morning;
and how morning brings responsibility.
People start to move and wander in the streets.
A game is what they play.
A game of hide and seek,
they play with the morning sun.
Alas, the moon joins in on the fun.
Being isolated for hours, alone in that big, dark sky.
It comes out, hearing the wolves serenade to it.
It smiles.
A game it what it plays.
A game of happiness,
it plays with the wolves down below.
Midnight brings many pleasures to the earth.
Joy and sorrow, anxiety and relaxation.
Different moods it gives to different people.
A game is what plays.
A game of silent mischief,
is what it plays with the planet.
Well, that's my official 'first' poem. I had fun creating it. Hope you had fun reading it! Comments and Constructive Critisism is always welcomed![]()
Last edited by The White Wolf; Mar 02, 2007 at 09:04 AM.
omg...everything turned dark...it must be the poem.. lol
nice poem withey~!![]()
wheee midnight i shall greet ur arrival with this poem tonight lol...
maybe i should make another 1... hmm...
Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
I'm BACK AO!
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My Siggy is in progress... just you wait... :3
The very first line.. "Stars start to slowly fill the empty spaces"
I believe "start" could be changed into something else. The dictionary and the thesaurus are your friend.
Seduced by Flesh
Well like Kasai was saying change it to something like begins
"stars begin to slowly fill the empty spaces"
It would sound better to. I loved the poem. For the first one for you to do I give it a 10/10 being your first one and it turned out so awsome. Keep up the good work and I hope to read your next one and it being even better then the first.
Last edited by Ky-lyrra; Mar 02, 2007 at 09:13 AM.
™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™
Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!
Thank you all so much for reviewing my poem! Thank you, Kasai and Ky-chan for the suggestion. I'll look up a synonym for it right away! Thank you, again!
Your welcome and go with begin because that sounds as if it completes the whole sentence. I love the name that you have given the poem it fits it perfectly Wolf-chan.
™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™
Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!
Thank you, Ky-lyrra-chan. I thought it described the poem perfectly well too! I changed the first few lines already, I don't think you noticed, but I did. Does it still sound a little rocky, or shall I change it to "begin"? What do you think, ky-chan??
emark doesn't sound right to me. I don't know it's just something about it. Other then that it is great still.
™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™
Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!
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