Blade X

You left, walked out of that door,
Only seconds ago I was kissing you,
Feeling your warm body against mine,
Feeling your soft lips and your smooth skin,
The memory of your eyes stay with me,
The way you looked at me with such love,
The love that I feel and know.

I love the way you walk,
Your hair flying in the back like wings,
Your hips swung from side to side,
I miss how you smell,
I miss we cuddle in each other's arms,
I always cherish the time we have together.


You say a week but it feels like an eternity,
Minutes seem like hours,
Hours seem like days,
Time is cruel to me,
But I know that I'll see you again,
Your face, your touch, the warmth of your body,
The words I say when you return are of Love.
"I love you" as we embrace each other.

well this a poem coz my gf aint around n i miss her...T.T.... plz comment
P.S thanks to Kat for helping me to get a few words right.

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Aya-kun

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Adarrah

I think it's impressive with the work from two person^^

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Carve an amble now,
Saying that the day's still bright,
And let's play with time.

Casben

I think it was a good poem. I enjoyed reading it and I think it conveys a strong sense of longing!

Just like poetry in school, yes

B.a.n.g.B.a.n.g.

its a good poem ^ ^ keep it up

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setsuna mudo1617

it seems we are feeling the same way.
great poem.

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Satoko_Hyuuga

It was wonderful. Keep up the great work.

sora the king of dreams

Wow This Is a fantastic Poem Great Jod Seriouly!!!!!!!

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I live in the shadows and I am as fast as the speed of light, but I use my ability's to help people even though they fear me for who I am.

A Brand new Theme song for all my friends who use to come to Ao and the People that still come's to Ao.
http://video.freevideoblog.com/hotte...7631ca1c2a.htm

Immortal Warrior

Aww shoot man I know how you feel. My girl is leaving soon and I won't see her 'till next summer. Very detailed, very desriptive, very beautiful. Captures all of those things you love about a girl. A few small grammatical errors that I'll point out.

I'd take out the left in the sentence, and put a period at the end. I dunno' if it's grammatically correct or not but it doesn't seem to fit.

Should be swinging because the rest of the stanza is in present tense, while swung is past tense.

add a "how" between miss and we.

I'd end that with a period but I don't think you have to.

End that with a period.

I think it'd be better ended with a semicolon but I'm not positive, up to you I guess.

As I said, very very good, one of the first works to impress me here. I really feel you on that. Hope to see more works from you soon.

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Writing is life again.

bassdudez

Those grammatical corrections are all accurate ^_^ But IMO poems have to be more loose...... no grammatical constraints are needed. As long as a the meaning is expressed, I wouldnt really be bothered by grammar.

And it's a great poem Blade ^_^ No doubt about it. I hope you see her again soon

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Immortal Warrior

I swear you people can be so foolishly ignorant sometimes. There's a reason I'm here bass, so you all don't have worry about it. So get over the fact that I correct people's work. People do the same to mine, and I thank them for the effort, not complain about it. Grammatical "constraints" as you call them apply to any form of writing, whether it's an essay or a poem. So everyone quit giving me this "grammar doesn't matter" because it does. It was a beautiful poem and I simply pointed out the human flaws, so everyone stay the hell off my back about actually giving some kind of helpful input. Like I said, it's a great poem, and like I said, it's the first time I've been really impressed with anything I've read here.

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Writing is life again.