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Thread: Mistakes Made

  1. #1
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Mistakes Made

    I have received some criticism about my poems being to short. Rest assure I can write long poems But lets face it the longer a poem is the more boring it is. So here is my response.

    Time like layers of dry, irritated skin peels away.
    But you do not feel a bit fresher with a new day.
    Steps are not too sure and your mind is fogged with clouds of doubt.
    Time has come and gone, by now should it not be figured out.
    Those that have just taken, to a crossroad they now all come.
    Looking back so many of the decisions were so dumb.
    Is there still some good in the conscience for us to retrieve.
    Fought so long with those we hate for things we do not believe.
    In many ways we justify actions that end gory.
    Several are convinced it was for money or glory.
    Each day in the book of anger is added a new page.
    Those near me act stupid in bouts of misguided rage.
    Once a fierce man tended soil, he was the fields reaper.
    That man posed the damn question, “Am I my brother’s keeper.”
    If so then the misery we cause is proof that we fail.
    To beat people already broken with weapons we sail.
    Prideful of the fact we destroy them who in our way stand.
    Why has the last resort always been to lend a kind hand.

  2. #2
    Newbie Japxican may be famous one day Japxican may be famous one day Japxican's Avatar
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    May 2006
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    Re: Mistakes Made

    Nice, nice. Very deep. "Am I my brother's keeper?" Good use of a Biblical reference. It's interesting that you picked out that one particular instance of murder from Genesis. (That was your intention, right?). That was thing that stood out for me. Also, you ended the poem remarkably. I like the last two lines. Shouldn't the last line have a question mark, though, and not a period?
    Anyway, at least you can write short poems. You're gifted in it, that's for sure. But the long poem you sent me wasn't boring at all.

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