+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Mistakes Made

  1. #1
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Michigan United States
    Posts
    1,499
    Thanks
    411
    Thanked 132 Times in 126 Posts

    Mistakes Made

    I have received some criticism about my poems being to short. Rest assure I can write long poems But lets face it the longer a poem is the more boring it is. So here is my response.

    Time like layers of dry, irritated skin peels away.
    But you do not feel a bit fresher with a new day.
    Steps are not too sure and your mind is fogged with clouds of doubt.
    Time has come and gone, by now should it not be figured out.
    Those that have just taken, to a crossroad they now all come.
    Looking back so many of the decisions were so dumb.
    Is there still some good in the conscience for us to retrieve.
    Fought so long with those we hate for things we do not believe.
    In many ways we justify actions that end gory.
    Several are convinced it was for money or glory.
    Each day in the book of anger is added a new page.
    Those near me act stupid in bouts of misguided rage.
    Once a fierce man tended soil, he was the fields reaper.
    That man posed the damn question, “Am I my brother’s keeper.”
    If so then the misery we cause is proof that we fail.
    To beat people already broken with weapons we sail.
    Prideful of the fact we destroy them who in our way stand.
    Why has the last resort always been to lend a kind hand.

  2. #2
    Newbie Japxican may be famous one day Japxican may be famous one day Japxican's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Here, there, anywhere...kinda like eating green eggs and ham.
    Posts
    70
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Re: Mistakes Made

    Nice, nice. Very deep. "Am I my brother's keeper?" Good use of a Biblical reference. It's interesting that you picked out that one particular instance of murder from Genesis. (That was your intention, right?). That was thing that stood out for me. Also, you ended the poem remarkably. I like the last two lines. Shouldn't the last line have a question mark, though, and not a period?
    Anyway, at least you can write short poems. You're gifted in it, that's for sure. But the long poem you sent me wasn't boring at all.

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Mistakes.
    By starfire1036 in forum POTM (Poem of the Month)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Feb 04, 2009, 01:17 PM
  2. Replies: 29
    Last Post: Feb 28, 2008, 07:46 PM
  3. Ten Japanese Mistakes You've Probably Made
    By tsurara in forum Japanese Culture
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: Oct 11, 2007, 08:25 PM
  4. Your mistakes make me greater....
    By kenchi18 in forum Poems
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jul 17, 2006, 10:14 PM
  5. My Mistakes [P]
    By esthered in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Apr 24, 2005, 06:35 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts