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Thread: The moment....

  1. #9
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: The moment....

    oh its not about me at all.....i don't know why i wrote it.....but really its not about me.....

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  2. #10
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: The moment....

    Well Renn ^^ I' m really happy to see a poem by you. I realy gasped when I saw that you have writen a poem. But I must say this is really too simple ^^ you can do better

    I agree with ray- there is just too much repetition... it has a reason of course- you have so much to say to this person, but... I wouldn't repeat the "the moment I touch you" that much. You could either use other sentences like start with "the moment I see you...", "the moment you smile...", "the moment you speak..." You know... build it up untill you come to "the moment you kiss me..." it would create some tension too....

    anyways... this is very good for a first poem, lol ^^ I must find my first poem up here, it must have been terrible... And I hope damn much to see more from you!!!!! ^^ Cheers Renn!!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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