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Thread: A Moonlight Sanata Gone Mad!

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    May 2006
    someplace where the only light is the moon above
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    A Moonlight Sanata Gone Mad!

    A tear drop's on the ivory key's,

    a memory flashe's before his eye's

    as the music shows his pain, a woman's

    voice is rememberd as he grits his

    teeth in anger . the moon over

    head atleast is reflecting off his

    glass of age old wine. he

    remembers how They draged her

    away inthe night out of fear of

    her kind he could do nothing but

    watch as she faded away and the

    flames danced around her flesh

    the keys now quickining as the

    tears flow more freely now a soft

    wimper can be heard from him.it

    is now early in the morning as her

    face becomes more clear in his

    head not knowing or thinking he

    bangs the keys harder as the

    melody becomes more emotional

    as his verosity is more inept than

    ever as his finger's start to bleed

    from the harshenss of the way the

    key board is being played. He

    stands while he is till playing,

    smiling, yes smiling he is no

    longer sad because he know's he

    will soon join his love in the eternal

    bliss of death, the moon now fading

    as the sun rises ,smoke comes

    from him as he play's more

    eratic he take's one last sip of that

    wine and he bursts into flame

    saying "a toast to you my love with

    a tear in my eye and blood

    on my lips" then he is gone never

    more to exsit

    i know my grammer and punctuation isnt all that great

    but i hope evryone like's it
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Nov 2004
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    Re: A Moonlight Sanata Gone Mad!

    My god... Visually? This poem hit rock bottom visually. Didnt someone ever tell you that people are less likely to read paragraphs? And this isnt even paragraghS!! It's one long bloody seemingly never ending bundle of words...

    You need to work on your breaks, stanzas, hell punctuation, and spelling.
    Seduced by Flesh

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