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Thread: The More Things Change?

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    The More Things Change?

    Things change yet they always
    stay the same , like words used
    to produce peace between two
    or more people or in a world of nations.

    A land of of destitute and deprivity thats
    what we live in but through the eyes of a
    few ignorant the world is fine just a few
    wars or skirmishes.

    Never do they see that the world is falling
    apart through the eyes that are blinded by peace,
    they never see the death and chaose that sorounds
    there semi perfect world.

    Leaders near and far all say we need a change
    when all they want are things to change so they
    can look right in the eyes of the many , while things
    get worse behind the scene's.

    The more things change the more they stay
    the same some might not get this but the facts
    remain that things will change but will remain the same.

    this poem is about how change no matter how great
    it seems is still the same in some way no matter how
    small the unchanging thing is and things will always
    be like this. comments and suggestions are welcomed
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    Heavy Metal Goddess CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18's Avatar
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    Cool Re: The More Things Change?

    Eventhough you're too good to talk to me I will say this is really good poem that makes alot of sense cause it's true of how some things seem to change,but they somehow always stays the same.
    Last edited by gren; Jan 20, 2008 at 06:16 PM. Reason: don't need to quote entire poem
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  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: The More Things Change?

    As I read this poem each one of your stanza seem like the can support the poem on it's own. Although in the first stanza I would suggest removing the comma to make it one complete thought. Definitely good usage of the the words destitute and depravity they really bring out what you are trying to say in the second stanza. In the third stanza you mispelled surrounds and chaos, but that's just a minor correction that can be corrected when ever you have time. Also try changing there to their showing ownership to whomever you are refering to. Overall from what I can tell the structure is sound and you thought has different flow, yet it works with this type of poem, the only other thing I see with this poem is the last stanza is a little short. HDofC you did an awesome job and I see the improvement that is taking place within your writing since I first met you here on AO! I look forward to reading more of your work as you continue to progress in your endeavors as a writer.

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