Serena500

A Mother's Heart

A mother's heart sings
when she sees the life
That she puts rings,
rings of love for a child.

A mother's heart leaps
when a child walks
Up the mountain steaps
of her daughter's first steps.

A mother's heart cries
when she feels that
Her daughter's lies
hurts her trust.

A mother's heart rejoices
when she sees her
Daughter's good choices
to go to school.

A mother's heart sing
when her daughter
Shows off her ring
of her love's promise.

A mother's heart smiles
when her daughter
Walks down that isle
to give her off.

A mother's heart is best
because it is the strongest.
A mother's heart is strong
because it protects the
ones it loves.

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divine_punishment

Aww. If you give that to your mum I'm sure she will cry. It is very pretty. Mind your punctuation and grammar rules!

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Corvus

Forget rules but make it make sense.
Poetry defies grammar and punctuation rather it is superior to them, it uses them to stress its meaning and importance.

If this is intended for your mother i suggest making it more rhythmic and try to make every word as important as the word mother is to you. I'm not saying that this is bad (although you might think I am) but I'm saying that it would have so much impact if you were to be able to make a piece of writing that had every word so full of meaning and purpose and sweet sounding too. Here's the thing. You CAN'T force it. Trying to force poetry is impossible becauseyou try to hard and think too much to allow the beauty of natural thought, emotion; the one true beautiful thing in this world and the true author of all great poetry; to do the writing for you.

as far as a rating I've learned that some people don't appreciate people like me grading their work... so I'm on a hiatus until I get pm's saying that they'd like me to do so.

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... and join my rebellion against time.

cojoe5

i agree with both of you but it is still quite touching.

Serena500

thank you all for reading it. i am soooooo happy that you all like this poem. it really touches me that even all of you like it.

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