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Thread: A Mother's Heart

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    Newbie Serena500 is off to a good start Serena500's Avatar
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    A Mother's Heart

    A Mother's Heart

    A mother's heart sings
    when she sees the life
    That she puts rings,
    rings of love for a child.

    A mother's heart leaps
    when a child walks
    Up the mountain steaps
    of her daughter's first steps.

    A mother's heart cries
    when she feels that
    Her daughter's lies
    hurts her trust.

    A mother's heart rejoices
    when she sees her
    Daughter's good choices
    to go to school.

    A mother's heart sing
    when her daughter
    Shows off her ring
    of her love's promise.

    A mother's heart smiles
    when her daughter
    Walks down that isle
    to give her off.

    A mother's heart is best
    because it is the strongest.
    A mother's heart is strong
    because it protects the
    ones it loves.
    Last edited by Serena500; May 09, 2008 at 05:38 PM. Reason: correcting grammar and punctuation and addition
    The battle of the best ninja..who will rise to the top? Maybe Sasuke. Maybe Naruto.
    Thanks to ryomakurosaki for the sig ^^

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: A Mother's Heart

    Aww. If you give that to your mum I'm sure she will cry. It is very pretty. Mind your punctuation and grammar rules!

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    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: A Mother's Heart

    Forget rules but make it make sense.
    Poetry defies grammar and punctuation rather it is superior to them, it uses them to stress its meaning and importance.

    If this is intended for your mother i suggest making it more rhythmic and try to make every word as important as the word mother is to you. I'm not saying that this is bad (although you might think I am) but I'm saying that it would have so much impact if you were to be able to make a piece of writing that had every word so full of meaning and purpose and sweet sounding too. Here's the thing. You CAN'T force it. Trying to force poetry is impossible becauseyou try to hard and think too much to allow the beauty of natural thought, emotion; the one true beautiful thing in this world and the true author of all great poetry; to do the writing for you.


    as far as a rating I've learned that some people don't appreciate people like me grading their work... so I'm on a hiatus until I get pm's saying that they'd like me to do so.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

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    Serena500 (May 09, 2008)

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    Otaku cojoe5 is off to a good start
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    Re: A Mother's Heart

    i agree with both of you but it is still quite touching.

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    Serena500 (May 09, 2008)

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    Newbie Serena500 is off to a good start Serena500's Avatar
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    Re: A Mother's Heart

    thank you all for reading it. i am soooooo happy that you all like this poem. it really touches me that even all of you like it.
    The battle of the best ninja..who will rise to the top? Maybe Sasuke. Maybe Naruto.
    Thanks to ryomakurosaki for the sig ^^

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