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Thread: Must read! needed title

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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Must read! needed title

    He stands there,
    yet he does not move.
    He sings to her.
    With his words he soothes.

    A slight smile
    written across her face.
    Dreaming for a while.
    In this moment she feels safe.

    He walks toward,
    toward her.
    Caressing her with every word,
    for he is the one she is sure.

    His hand upon her cheek.
    The warmth travels.
    Deep in her eyes his begin to seek.
    Smiling as her mind scrambles.

    I love you darling,
    he says aloud.
    I love you too, my prince charming,
    said by her so proud.

    For a young poor boy he is,
    and a pincess before him sits.
    She smiles,
    as both their hearts shift.

  2. #2
    Otaku Adriana may be famous one day Adriana may be famous one day Adriana's Avatar
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    WOW this is soooooooo romantic and well written too you can clearly picture it in your mind and feel the warmth of their love!a very well done and keep it up!
    Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all

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    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    do I have to always crit. on format? oh well... it might be what you were planing or the type of format that you want to use but it just looks off.... its a nice poem with a nice topic but to have a great show of your work you not only have to write it nicely but present it nicely... but overall it is good...
    Last edited by basilisk888; Jun 16, 2008 at 10:22 AM.
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    So romantic and beautiful, not my kind of poem, but it is pretty.

  5. #5
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    Quote Originally Posted by basilisk888 View Post
    do I have to always crit. on format? oh well... it might be what you were planing or the type of format that you want to use but it just looks off.... its a nice poem with a nice topic but to have a great show of your work you not only have to write it nicely but present it nicely... but overall it is good...
    i personaly dont see anything wrong with kissy kissy romancey poems

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    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    well for one thing you line in 4 words and you put a "." .... thats just a little wierd would not a , be better?
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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    Quote Originally Posted by basilisk888 View Post
    well for one thing you line in 4 words and you put a "." .... thats just a little wierd would not a , be better?
    i write as if they are sentences but moved down a line ill show you

    He stands there, yet he does not move.
    He sings to her.
    With his words he soothes.
    A slight smile written across her face.
    Dreaming for a while.
    In this moment she feels safe.
    He walks toward, toward her.
    Caressing her with every word for, he is the one she is sure.
    His hand upon her cheek.
    The warmth travels.
    Deep in her eyes his begin to seek.
    Smiling as her mind scrambles.
    I love you darling, he says aloud.
    I love you too, my prince charming, said by her so proud.
    For a young poor boy he is, and a pincess before him sits.
    She smiles, as both their hearts shift.

  8. #8
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    Re: Must read! needed title

    Well in my point of view this poem really out of my league and i can tell that it may just be a perfect gift for a loved one, though i do not personally think that it would matter how messy it would appear right now. Poems that are written from the thoughts that were gather around and eventually will give more neatness into what it turns out. The title that is needed in the romantic poem is "Happy Wish".

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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