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![]() Diamond in the Rough | Must read! needed title He stands there, yet he does not move. He sings to her. With his words he soothes. A slight smile written across her face. Dreaming for a while. In this moment she feels safe. He walks toward, toward her. Caressing her with every word, for he is the one she is sure. His hand upon her cheek. The warmth travels. Deep in her eyes his begin to seek. Smiling as her mind scrambles. I love you darling, he says aloud. I love you too, my prince charming, said by her so proud. For a young poor boy he is, and a pincess before him sits. She smiles, as both their hearts shift. |
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: somewhere nice with the people i love!
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![]() ![]() Credits: 1,725 | Re: Must read! needed title WOW this is soooooooo romantic and well written too you can clearly picture it in your mind and feel the warmth of their love!a very well done and keep it up!
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![]() Devoted Otaku Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: death and life again
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![]() Credits: 14,011 | Re: Must read! needed title do I have to always crit. on format? oh well... it might be what you were planing or the type of format that you want to use but it just looks off.... its a nice poem with a nice topic but to have a great show of your work you not only have to write it nicely but present it nicely... but overall it is good...
__________________ fire is good to have in hand 0.0 Last edited by basilisk888; Jun 16, 2008 at 10:22 AM. |
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![]() Diamond in the Rough | Re: Must read! needed title Quote:
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![]() Devoted Otaku Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: death and life again
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![]() Credits: 14,011 | Re: Must read! needed title well for one thing you line in 4 words and you put a "." .... thats just a little wierd would not a , be better?
__________________ fire is good to have in hand 0.0 |
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![]() Diamond in the Rough | Re: Must read! needed title Quote:
He stands there, yet he does not move. He sings to her. With his words he soothes. A slight smile written across her face. Dreaming for a while. In this moment she feels safe. He walks toward, toward her. Caressing her with every word for, he is the one she is sure. His hand upon her cheek. The warmth travels. Deep in her eyes his begin to seek. Smiling as her mind scrambles. I love you darling, he says aloud. I love you too, my prince charming, said by her so proud. For a young poor boy he is, and a pincess before him sits. She smiles, as both their hearts shift. | |
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| Hybrid Humanoid Forever Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In a Purified Realm Of Lightness
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![]() Credits: 20,887 | Re: Must read! needed title Well in my point of view this poem really out of my league and i can tell that it may just be a perfect gift for a loved one, though i do not personally think that it would matter how messy it would appear right now. Poems that are written from the thoughts that were gather around and eventually will give more neatness into what it turns out. The title that is needed in the romantic poem is "Happy Wish".
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![]() Devoted Otaku Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: death and life again
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![]() Credits: 14,011 | Re: Must read! needed title Quote:
Quote:
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![]() Otaku | Re: Must read! needed title I like it overall. A few things that could be tweaked but they don't need to be. Blissfully in motion My sad attempt at a title I got nothing.
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hattiesburg, MS
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![]() Credits: 7,809 | Re: Must read! needed title I have a name, the feelings and powers of love. That is so stupid sounding to me. But ignore the stupid part and eventually you or someone else will come up with a title. |
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