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Thread: My child illumination

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    My child illumination

    OK this to me sounds unfinished and sloppy. Tell me what i should to to finish it. Por favoro.

    You shadow my insides
    Linger within my darkness
    Make everyday yours and all I live for
    Your amber lining
    Set aflame
    Burning a piece of my heart away
    I have never met you
    But you already mean everything to me
    Taking every breath so much deeper
    To fill your lungs
    Your heart beat echoes
    And my life will follow
    Taking each footstep
    In patience

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  2. #2
    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
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    Re: My child illumination

    Quote Originally Posted by Nympho
    OK this to me sounds unfinished and sloppy. Tell me what i should to to finish it. Por favoro.

    You shadow my insides
    Linger within my darkness
    Make everyday yours and all I live for
    Your amber lining
    Set aflame
    Burning a piece of my heart away
    I have never met you
    But you already mean everything to me
    Taking every breath so much deeper
    To fill your lungs
    Your heart beat echoes
    And my life will follow
    Taking each footstep
    In patience
    I figured this one was coming, lol.
    I enjoyed the bolded lines.

    2 months down, 7 to go, good luck!

    o~Piggy-san~o

  3. #3
    Otaku Reese may be famous one day Reese may be famous one day
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    Re: My child illumination

    It has a good flow.... it kinda *clunked* half way through the poem, but u managed 2 pick it up towards the end.

    Awwww... Good luck with everything. ^_^

  4. #4
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: My child illumination

    it was nicely well written, i like the darkness put into it. It was a really nice poem, keep it up nympho.

    ps: en ke te inspiras?

  5. #5
    Warrior Monk kedar may be famous one day kedar may be famous one day kedar's Avatar
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    Re: My child illumination

    I see nothing sloppy, Nympho. ^_^ It's perfect as it is. A great flow is maintained all throughout the poem, which made it a lot easy to read and follow. And, is Pigtaru talking about what I am thinking about, or is he just joking? @.@

    Anyway! Good job, Nympho like alway! Wish to read lots more!!!

    -Kedar-

  6. #6
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: My child illumination

    Well Kedar i thought you would have figured it out by me always talking about it and always being hungry on AO. Yes in fact i am preggers. And that's what this poem is all about.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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