+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: my diary , Why .........

  1. #1
    Otaku powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    somewhere on this planet
    Posts
    131
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    my diary , Why .........

    my diary

    i don't want to write ,
    today was ,,, awefull ,confusing, and. and i don't know.......
    i promised that i wouldn't write till i held the promise i made
    it seems like i'm gonna break that promise

    i ...
    i.....
    don't know what to do anymore
    i'm lost

    my mind ..
    i can't think well
    i am confused

    i am sitting here
    thinking why
    why couldn't i do anything to you
    although i hated you
    i despised you
    and wanted to make you suffer

    today when i saw you
    i intended to hurt you
    i intended to make you feel

    i screamed at you
    telling you
    i am not different
    i am a person just like you
    that i have feelings
    that i have imotions

    before i said that
    i hated your eyes staring at me
    the eyes that were filled with hate
    the eyes that have despised me

    but why have your eyes changed
    after what i said

    why did i feel that you were afraid of something
    that you were sorry for something

    that view
    made me stop from talking
    made me stop doing anything

    i just stood in my place
    wondering
    what have i done

    i only said the truth
    and that changed too many things

    i wanted to hit you
    i wanted to hurt you

    but my mouth didn't move
    my body didn't move
    i just,,, i just ..
    i just stood in my place

    i saw you there standing watching me
    with all the fear
    with all the sorryness

    why ,,,
    why ...
    did you change in an instant

    i feel ......
    i feel ...............
    like i've done something wrong
    like i am afraid of something

    what am i afriad of
    what am i losing

    i don't know
    i can't even realize the facts about my self
    i just can't figure out why.......
    things have turned this way..
    i just sit here and wonder why

    my diary
    Power -xxx- aka -M.Ali
    I Fly Swiftly through the air
    I Spread My Wings Without A trace

  2. #2
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Mr. Foxie's Den...
    Posts
    1,695
    Thanks
    78
    Thanked 42 Times in 37 Posts

    Re: my diary , Why .........

    ^_^ that had lots of emotion, like a soda bottle bursting open!

    it has something very real to it, but what may help is the find a beat to your words! however, this can be really hard to do at times. ^_^ but this adds a nice flow that will really be appriciated by your readers.

    ^o^ but don't tamper with that emotion too much or you'll lose it!

  3. #3
    Devil's Advocate TaurusDemon23 may be famous one day TaurusDemon23 may be famous one day TaurusDemon23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Nowhere, Yet Somewhere....
    Posts
    1,531
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 45 Times in 41 Posts

    Re: my diary , Why .........

    Ah the lamentation of THOSE WHO MUST FEEL GUILTY...........I've been one of those........
    NoT tHe SiGgY yOu R lOOkInG 4
    Move Along.

  4. #4
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: my diary , Why .........

    Bloody hell, from structure to punctuation this poem is a wreck. I didnt want to read it because there was no capitalization or correct punctuation. Please, work on structure before you work on the information in the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. my diary , My Promise
    By powerxxx in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jul 18, 2006, 06:26 AM
  2. my diary
    By powerxxx in forum Poems
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Jul 16, 2006, 11:48 PM
  3. my diary, a second page
    By powerxxx in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jul 16, 2006, 07:05 AM
  4. angle diary
    By yumyum92 in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jan 31, 2006, 06:43 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts