Thread: My Final Poem for Today

Very good my favorite part was

for nobody can hear my voice
and the vacuum consumes it
my voice shall merely fall into a bottomless pit

you are very talented

Originally Posted by Heartless_mage

you are very talented

Thank you very much, Heartless_mage. I really appreciate what you have said ^-^ I'm happy that you liked that line.

This poem - a writer's sentiments after a long while of writing, as a friend of mine have told me ^^ I had this particular poem criticized in a workshop, actually. Hmmm, I learned a lot...

and the road traveled remains unfinished
this is my last poem for the day
whether there’ll be other days or not
the shadow of my shadow
will eventually bloom

i like the fatiuge you have at the end like
you almost cant write another line but you battle the
fatiuge and finsh with a great ending very nice awesome poem

Thank you, HolderOfTheDarkChalice! Yes, I am happy you have caught the meaning behind the words of those lines. In the last two lines, I was expressing there of my hope that even though my words remain silent and my poems are left unheard at the end of the day, they will in time be heard someday...

ytou did that pretty good cant wait to see your other poems

Heehee, thanks again, HolderOfTheDarkChalice! Although, I know this poem still needs a lot of improvements. Too much abstraction - I failed to give the reader an image or a concrete object to grasp ^^" This poem has also been criticized because the middle lines were cliche and seemed to serve as merely fillers, of which the poem can perhaps do without. The first 5 lines, if you'd notice, were direct, but went sliding down in the following lines so I kind of lost direction and the beginning didn't connect well with the ending... U_U

I was also told the last two lines were too good for the whole poem, sort of like a fireworks effect. One of the strong points of the poem, though, is that it has a good rhythm - I was told ^-^ And the last two lines managed to impress some people in the workshop, hehe ^^

I do wonder what the other AO people would think about it ^^ Hmmm...

Again, thank you for taking the time to review!

I can kinda relate to that poem..

It flowed well! You didn't really create a picture but still a good way with words..

I feel the betrayal of my mind
the idleness of my consciousness
the enigma of my heart
poured out without a purpose
for nobody can hear my voice

Poured out without a purpose? It makes the poem feel empty, as if you have made this poem without really trying.. ^^;;

Sorta sad..

But I liked the overall poem ^^