+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 8 of 19

Thread: My Final Poem for Today

  1. #1
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    In a forest of fantasy
    Posts
    333
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    My Final Poem for Today

    This is my final poem for the day
    and already I feel my mind exhausted
    and I feel foolish more than ever
    for always writing
    what others cannot feel
    my thoughts expressed exactly
    I feel the betrayal of my mind
    the idleness of my consciousness
    the enigma of my heart
    poured out without a purpose
    for nobody can hear my voice
    and the vacuum consumes it
    my voice shall merely fall into a bottomless pit
    the shadow of every shadow
    is a quintessence of my poems
    neither beautiful nor solemn
    empty in essence
    Nothing is reached
    and the road traveled remains unfinished
    this is my last poem for the day
    whether there’ll be other days or not
    the shadow of my shadow
    will eventually bloom


    ~~Eleonne Prince

  2. #2
    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    In the bunny lords dungeon.........
    Posts
    450
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    Very good my favorite part was


    for nobody can hear my voice
    and the vacuum consumes it
    my voice shall merely fall into a bottomless pit

    you are very talented

    Click here to be Myspace groupies......lol
    (\__/)
    (='.'=)This is the Bunny Lord. Copy and paste bunny into your
    (")_(")signature to help him gain world domination

  3. #3
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    In a forest of fantasy
    Posts
    333
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    Quote Originally Posted by Heartless_mage
    you are very talented
    Thank you very much, Heartless_mage. I really appreciate what you have said ^-^ I'm happy that you liked that line.

    This poem - a writer's sentiments after a long while of writing, as a friend of mine have told me ^^ I had this particular poem criticized in a workshop, actually. Hmmm, I learned a lot...

  4. #4
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    someplace where the only light is the moon above
    Posts
    3,118
    Thanks
    102
    Thanked 70 Times in 64 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    and the road traveled remains unfinished
    this is my last poem for the day
    whether there’ll be other days or not
    the shadow of my shadow
    will eventually bloom

    i like the fatiuge you have at the end like
    you almost cant write another line but you battle the
    fatiuge and finsh with a great ending very nice awesome poem
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  5. #5
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    In a forest of fantasy
    Posts
    333
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    Thank you, HolderOfTheDarkChalice! Yes, I am happy you have caught the meaning behind the words of those lines. In the last two lines, I was expressing there of my hope that even though my words remain silent and my poems are left unheard at the end of the day, they will in time be heard someday...

  6. #6
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    someplace where the only light is the moon above
    Posts
    3,118
    Thanks
    102
    Thanked 70 Times in 64 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    ytou did that pretty good cant wait to see your other poems
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  7. #7
    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    In a forest of fantasy
    Posts
    333
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    Heehee, thanks again, HolderOfTheDarkChalice! Although, I know this poem still needs a lot of improvements. Too much abstraction - I failed to give the reader an image or a concrete object to grasp ^^" This poem has also been criticized because the middle lines were cliche and seemed to serve as merely fillers, of which the poem can perhaps do without. The first 5 lines, if you'd notice, were direct, but went sliding down in the following lines so I kind of lost direction and the beginning didn't connect well with the ending... U_U

    I was also told the last two lines were too good for the whole poem, sort of like a fireworks effect. One of the strong points of the poem, though, is that it has a good rhythm - I was told ^-^ And the last two lines managed to impress some people in the workshop, hehe ^^

    I do wonder what the other AO people would think about it ^^ Hmmm...

    Again, thank you for taking the time to review!

  8. #8
    Otaku Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    SunnyOl'England ;]
    Posts
    444
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: My Final Poem for Today

    I can kinda relate to that poem..

    It flowed well! You didn't really create a picture but still a good way with words..

    I feel the betrayal of my mind
    the idleness of my consciousness
    the enigma of my heart
    poured out without a purpose
    for nobody can hear my voice


    Poured out without a purpose? It makes the poem feel empty, as if you have made this poem without really trying.. ^^;;

    Sorta sad..

    But I liked the overall poem ^^

    TY Sasurai for the lovely sig!*

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. A Poem is a Poem
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum Poems
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: May 02, 2006, 09:32 AM
  2. The best Final fantasy game? ur pck.
    By cerebrum in forum Sensory Pleasures
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Mar 29, 2006, 08:18 AM
  3. Final Fantasy Vii: Advent Children
    By cflnut in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: Mar 25, 2006, 07:29 AM
  4. My Life As Poem
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: May 02, 2005, 12:14 AM
  5. Loss or Gain? (poem of final pain)
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Apr 27, 2005, 02:16 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts