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Thread: My first love

  1. #1
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    My first love

    ok i felt like writting an emo pome today. It may sound like nonsense to some, but at least i tried to make it sound good. please feel free to say whatever you think about my poem, either good or bad i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thanks.

    I saw her in March
    I fell in love with her that night
    I saw her in the park
    I was just passing by

    My heart just started to beat without stop
    I thought, why am i feeling this crap!
    I just wanted to say hi!
    I just couldn't say any word, i felt like if i was dying right there on the spot

    I see her everyday at the same park
    As i pass by
    I just want to say at least hi
    But i just can't

    I saw her this morning
    She was holding hands with some guy
    I felt freaking mad
    Now i want to kill that dutch bag

  2. #2
    Otaku cerebrum has disabled reputation cerebrum's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    uhhhh.... okay. I understand ur intentions... I understand the purpose of the poem. But to be honest it doesnt hav a very good flow 2 it. HOwever there was a very realistic atmosphere created inmost parts of the poem. I did enjoy reading it because I could relate it a way, lol.

    Keep it the good work. ^_^
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    Otaku Arnys Battle 2 Champion sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    Did something like this happened or you just wrote it for because you felt like it?

    I live in the shadows and I am as fast as the speed of light, but I use my ability's to help people even though they fear me for who I am.

    A Brand new Theme song for all my friends who use to come to Ao and the People that still come's to Ao.
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  4. #4
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    hehehe thanks for your comment, well i kinda intended to use free verse in this particular poem, though i see that it didn't work that well. well till next poem.

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    Otaku sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    the words were kinda loose, ketaro... but it's nice though... keep it up...

    They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.

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    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    I dont know anything about poetry, and I've only got 2 poems written and posted in my whole life, lol. I'm still learning and reading more about them. I thought your poem was very expressive, but could have been written with more care, left little to the imagination for me. But keep it up, I enjoy reading them. Thanks for the post!

    o~Piggy-san~o

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    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    this poem is lil out there, it was alright till the last stanza. But i suppose tht how u felt at the time so good job on writing ur feelings out. Keep it up.

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

  8. #8
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: My first love

    Hey thanks for your comments guys, i really appreciate that.

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