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Thread: my life

  1. #1
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Cool my life

    my life got so sting
    why was i born as a human being
    not even i could sing
    and yet i dont know nothing

    i never got to know this
    why did you give me a kiss
    you better act right or you'll miss
    its something that cant resist

    i know its short but its what i can think of lol please comment

  2. #2
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: my life

    A tad bit on the low moral, a bit direct and a touch of a "Do this or else" kind of feel near the end.

    You tried hard to rhyme and it shoes, today modern poetry doesn't need to rhyme, check out my "Attempt at pure darkness" as an example somewhere in this section, though the style and genre isn't the same, it doesn't rhyme Though rhyming is nice to when your used to it.

    All in all it's good, keep practicing and it should come naturally after quite a few tries
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  3. #3
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: my life

    actually this is how i do it, and its my kind of thing, i like rhymes to tell you the truth

  4. #4
    Otaku LostbutFound may be famous one day LostbutFound may be famous one day LostbutFound's Avatar
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    Re: my life

    another goodone heelnght except for the part of it being to short
    Don't tell me the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon


  5. #5
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: my life

    I like the rhyme scheme of the poem, other than that a couple of mistakes but still a nice little poem! Keep up the good work and I hope I will get to read more of your work!

  6. #6
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: my life

    lol alright i'll keep that in mind, and thank you...........................

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