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May 16, 2006, 01:26 PM
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 Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: May 2006 Location: Streets of Compton,
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 Credits: 506 | My love.. Just somethin I threw together, I hope you like it.. The wind blows threw her hair. My eyes begin to wonder up and down her.. They are lost..mezmorized.. She turns and notices me.. I go speechless... I want to tell her that I love her.. I choke on the words and look down.. As the time passes I notice her looking up at the stars... The moon shines, a low beam of white light shines down on her.. I wander..If she was a gift from God.. I wander..how she would react if I went over to talk to her.. she turns and begins to walk away, My heart began to beat fast.. A tear drops from my cheek.. For she now has walked away.. My love... Is gone... My love... My love.. Last edited by The Fighter; Jun 17, 2006 at 01:16 PM. |
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May 16, 2006, 01:39 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Newbie  Join Date: May 2006 Location: my fantasy
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Credits: 110 | Re: My love.. it is really nice but i think you could've written more in it
__________________  I never know just why you run so far away...far away from me |
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May 16, 2006, 03:37 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough Join Date: May 2006 Location: Streets of Compton,
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Credits: 506 | Re: My love.. I was planning to, I wrote it in my math class and I ran outta time so I just finished it up.. But thank you for reading it.. |
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May 16, 2006, 05:55 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: where the true warriors fight
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Credits: 1,275 | Re: My love.. i like it ...alot...keep it up bud..u wrote it in math class? lol hope u got good ideas....i think day dream in that class alo.^^
__________________ .  I will fight until i find what i'm looking for...you can not judge me on my apperence I am a Warrior. If you have a problem with me..... then my blades will meet your neck. |
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May 16, 2006, 09:17 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: himitsu.....
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Credits: 258 | Re: My love.. NOTE: mesmerized, not mezmorized...  anyway... nice poem... hmm, very heartfelt, man... good job...
__________________  They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO. |
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May 16, 2006, 09:26 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Elk Grove, CA USA
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Credits: 171 | Re: My love.. Yet another love poem, lol, I think I'm inspired to write my 3rd poem...but definitely not on love. I read your poem, you have lots of grammatical errors and using wrong words like 'threw' instead of 'through' 'wonder' instead of 'wander'. I get the message though...love poems are about love...man...I sound so bitter...sorry, lol
__________________   o~Piggy-san~o |
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May 17, 2006, 03:21 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: I live in a Place where I'am Truly Happy and that would be with All My Friends
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Credits: 458 | Re: My love.. hmmmmmm I think that was pretty impressive keep it up 
__________________  I live in the shadows and I am as fast as the speed of light, but I use my ability's to help people even though they fear me for who I am. A Brand new Theme song for all my friends who use to come to Ao and the People that still come's to Ao. http://video.freevideoblog.com/hotte...7631ca1c2a.htm |
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May 18, 2006, 09:17 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
 Newbie  Join Date: May 2006 Location: ThaT tHe WorLD
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Credits: 110 | Re: My love.. The Time Has come let be so then to bring the Love Of Death!!! Sacrifice!!! Last edited by Jyn; May 18, 2006 at 09:20 PM. |
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May 18, 2006, 11:45 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
  AO's Demon Slayer  Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Protecting my loved one.
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Credits: 1,446 | Re: My love.. this is good, to jus write it in maths class as well. Anyways, the ending was sad, i would have like a happy one but still, it's all good. I always think abt my gf wen we r not together.
__________________  Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra |
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May 18, 2006, 11:54 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "Enigma"
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Credits: 1,158 | Re: My love.. I was really gettin into the poem towards the beginning... but then it kinda drifted at the end. 0_0 Overall thats some good stuff. ^_^ I look forward to readin the next... and the next.....
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