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Thread: My love..

  1. #1
    Otaku The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter's Avatar
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    My love..

    Just somethin I threw together, I hope you like it..

    The wind blows threw her hair.
    My eyes begin to wonder up and down her..
    They are lost..mezmorized..
    She turns and notices me..
    I go speechless...
    I want to tell her that I love her..
    I choke on the words and look down..


    As the time passes I notice her looking up at the stars...
    The moon shines, a low beam of white light shines down on her..
    I wander..If she was a gift from God..
    I wander..how she would react if I went over to talk to her..

    she turns and begins to walk away,
    My heart began to beat fast..
    A tear drops from my cheek..
    For she now has walked away..
    My love...
    Is gone...

    My love...
    My love..
    Last edited by The Fighter; Jun 17, 2006 at 01:16 PM.

  2. #2
    Newbie Archy may be famous one day Archy may be famous one day Archy's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    it is really nice
    but i think you could've written more in it
    I never know just why you run so far away...far away from me

  3. #3
    Otaku The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    I was planning to,
    I wrote it in my math class and I ran outta time so I just finished it up..

    But thank you for reading it..

  4. #4
    Otaku viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    Really good
    Keep it up.
    Dont stop

  5. #5
    Otaku mixed fighter girl may be famous one day mixed fighter girl may be famous one day mixed fighter girl's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    i like it ...alot...keep it up bud..u wrote it in math class? lol hope u got good ideas....i think day dream in that class alo.^^
    .
    I will fight until i find what i'm looking for...you can not judge me on my apperence I am a Warrior. If you have a problem with me..... then my blades will meet your neck.

  6. #6
    Otaku sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    NOTE: mesmerized, not mezmorized...

    anyway... nice poem... hmm, very heartfelt, man... good job...

    They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.

  7. #7
    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    Yet another love poem, lol, I think I'm inspired to write my 3rd poem...but definitely not on love.

    I read your poem, you have lots of grammatical errors and using wrong words like
    'threw' instead of 'through'
    'wonder' instead of 'wander'.

    I get the message though...love poems are about love...man...I sound so bitter...sorry, lol

    o~Piggy-san~o

  8. #8
    Otaku Arnys Battle 2 Champion sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams's Avatar
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    Re: My love..

    hmmmmmm

    I think that was pretty impressive keep it up

    I live in the shadows and I am as fast as the speed of light, but I use my ability's to help people even though they fear me for who I am.

    A Brand new Theme song for all my friends who use to come to Ao and the People that still come's to Ao.
    http://video.freevideoblog.com/hotte...7631ca1c2a.htm

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