*clap* kool peom Star Girl, keep it up.
My eyes were startled by a brilliant light
Something has begun to pierce my heart.
When the evening shore turns red,
sinking into the water, let it be extinguished.
It's still warm, the body of dust still fresh
I'll meet your eyes and look away
I'll make hearts long and steal away your wits.
Don't take him away from me
To become his bride, I've emerged
I will wait forever to be with you
Let me live in a world of pleasure.
Innocent and pure,
So calm and so patient
Softly call out; everyone will hear.
Just touch my lips; they will see.
Dance with me here in the spotlight
Don't let a minute go by
These moments won't wait for tomorrow.
*clap* kool peom Star Girl, keep it up.
Hmm. I didnt like the way you phrased certain sentences. However, the overall piece is okay.
Seduced by Flesh
Good job on this poem, it definitely has an originallity about it that can be ignored! Nice job!
sound the usuall love poems that i mostly read but i think it's nice
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