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Thread: My Mind

  1. #1
    Newbie 59wayz is off to a good start 59wayz's Avatar
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    My Mind

    In my mind I've experience the worst
    In my mind I've seen the scariest
    In my mind I've heard the thoughts

    In my mind I reign king
    In my mind I am the law
    In my mind I own the territory

    In my mind is a constant battle
    In my mind is constant death
    In my mind theres no escape

    This is my mind
    This is my hell
    This is my heaven
    So stay the hell out

  2. #2
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    Re: My Mind

    I've noticed your poems have this pattern to them. A lot of your sentences start with the same three words. Now, I'm not saying that this was a bad poem. In fact, I like it!
    In my mind I am the law
    Nice! ^_^ It reminds me of talkin' to my little brother. "I'm a grown a** man! You don't tell me, I tell YOU!" LOL.

    But back to my point. Take this not as criticism, but a friendly challenge. It'll be a fun learning experience. ^_^ Try to break away from the repetitiveness and try to keep a flow with your work. You can use the same concepts/themes you've been using if you want. But try to show us that your vocabulary isn't limited. Because I know you and I know your vocabulary.

    Kudos and happy writing! ~S

  3. #3
    new piks in mem gallery animechick may be famous one day animechick may be famous one day animechick's Avatar
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    Re: My Mind

    it was alright but again the repetitiveness is a bit overbearing, it could have been much more creative if it was started differently in at least half of the lines.
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  4. #4
    Newbie Alondra is off to a good start Alondra's Avatar
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    Re: My Mind

    I kind of have to agree about the repetitiveness , I do like the rest of the poem though, they are strong words that I think could use a stronger base to make them come alive. I think that this could be a powerful poem.

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