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Thread: My Nightmare

  1. #1
    Otaku For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost's Avatar
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    My Nightmare

    Sometimes I feel weak
    I have to be strong
    Where is the answer I seek?
    Something has gone wrong
    I could feel it within me
    Is it within you too?
    There's something within me
    Can you feel it too?

    I wish I could see it so clear
    This moment is my fear
    I try to get away, run
    Trying to replace it with something numb
    I'm going to face this nightmare
    I'm beginning to fall, I'm scared
    This is my total nightmare

    Sometimes I want to cry
    I can't do this
    I have to just try
    I'm so sick of this
    I could see it within me
    Can you feel it too?
    Pulling out something within me
    Can you see it too?

    I wish I could find it so clear
    My eyes is filled with tears
    I'm try to get away, run
    Trying to replace it with something numb
    I'm going to end this nightmare
    I'm beginning to fall, I'm scared
    This is my total nightmare

    Am I still in this nightmare?
    Am I still alone?
    Your cold eyes that stare,
    With painful emotion, it hurts me

    I wish I could see it so clear
    This moment is my fear
    I try to get away, run
    Trying to replace it with something numb
    I'm going to face this nightmare (end it)
    I'm beginning to fall, I'm scared
    This is my total nightmare
    "I love you with all my heart that I can't explain how much in words."

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    Sometimes I feel weak
    I have to be strong
    Where is the answer I seek?
    Something has gone wrong
    I could feel it within me
    Is it within you too?
    There's something within me
    Can you feel it too?


    There are two emotions that I recognize in this stanza. I'd suggest only having one and elaborating on that feeling. Then making a transitional verse and moving on to the next. Your stanzas could be longer or shorter, but they need to be something other than what you have. Actually, they dont need to be. It'd just be more appealing.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    The emotion in this poem is well written, just in one stanza it gets confusing because there are two emotions that are being portrayed! Overall great poem and keep up the good work!



    BlueFox1

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    Otaku baikuza may be famous one day baikuza may be famous one day baikuza's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    hm...
    i also dislike to be weak.

    by the way... i hope you are not really depressed as the "soul" in this poetry, your poetry.

  5. #5
    Otaku For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    The poem actually explains how I feel weak but I can't let that happen so I had to be strong. That's how I felt before with all the fights and stress I've had and a relationship that I didn't see something coming but it was too late to go back and change it since it was long ago. Now I've looked back and saw how much I've changed and decided to write a poem about it. Sorry if it's confusing.
    "I love you with all my heart that I can't explain how much in words."

  6. #6
    Banned Shinobi- may be famous one day Shinobi- may be famous one day Shinobi-'s Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    i love it, there is a great sense of feeling and it gives you a great visual effect you can almost see and feel the stuggle inside. wondering if the real person will win or the nightmare......

    anyway I think it is great

  7. #7
    Newbie samurai deeper kyo may be famous one day samurai deeper kyo may be famous one day samurai deeper kyo's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    Good poem i can tell ur really into poems. Oh and by the way have you considered joining the poems/fanfics clan.

  8. #8
    Otaku For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost may be famous one day For3v3r_Lost's Avatar
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    Re: My Nightmare

    I havent heard of it...lol Well I would love to join. Yeah I really love poems and songs. Mostly I wrote songs more than poems.
    "I love you with all my heart that I can't explain how much in words."

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