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Thread: My old love

  1. #1
    Newbie Vain may be famous one day Vain may be famous one day Vain's Avatar
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    My old love

    Ok
    This is a poem I wrote to my g/f when we were still together, I still like it so I just thought I would post it enjoy

    Tonight im lying here,
    With you on my mind,
    The stars glisten on my tear,
    I close my eyes but im not blind.

    The darkness is still there but I picture your face,
    My heart beats faster and my pulse begins to race,
    My breath gets heavy and my lungs go tight,
    I feel the fire inside me burn and know your keeping it alight.

    Looking up to the dark skies,
    I know love like this never dies,
    Instead, I know forever it flies,
    And it binds us like one of those unbreakable ties.

    You may not be lying beside me tonight,
    But my soul knows your there and can feel your light
    And this fights off some of the cold,
    Because I know im not alone in the world.

    My cheeks can feel my freezing tears,
    And I hope that a sunny morning nears,
    But I know that time is passing so slow,
    Can’t I do anything to quicken the flow?

    I search around for something to hold,
    But even my pillow is freezing cold,
    But then I remember how happy you make me,
    And all the cold is washed away, im free.

    Thoughts of you fill my head,
    And it turns as heavy as lead,
    I let my now warm pillow swallow me whole,
    Sleep comes to me and relaxes my soul.

    No dreams invade my brain tonight,
    But 3 words can’t wait to take flight,
    So when I wake I think of us two,
    And printed on my soul is ‘I LOVE YOU’

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: My old love

    Ahh, nice stucture. Now add some imagery.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Newbie Vain may be famous one day Vain may be famous one day Vain's Avatar
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    Re: My old love

    thanx for the tip will edit poem in my spair time ;p

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: My old love

    wow your really in love huh? good poem and all, add some more rhytem to make it really sound you know what i mean?

  5. #5
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: My old love

    Good poem! you really started to flow toward the end!

    BlueFox1

  6. #6
    Newbie Vain may be famous one day Vain may be famous one day Vain's Avatar
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    Re: My old love

    thankx for all the gr8 comments guys/gals i will take em into account as for the question "wow your really in love huh?" I was but not any more

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