My online poem

taq48 · Jul 28, 2006, 02:28 PM

This short poem I made up

Look at dis' fool he can't even rap
Goes to da' mall and shops at da' GAP
Calls himself a rapper what a joke
While he's sittin' on the crapper, drinkin' a Coke

Now I know who you are
I know your weaknesses
**** off, or get living
You piece of shit

-Siobahn McClintock

*HolderOfTheDarkChalice* · Jul 28, 2006, 02:30 PM

nice ryme but a bit short for my liking but the bragging aspect is cool

*Kasai* · Jul 28, 2006, 02:34 PM

Wow, such vulgar language. The length of the poem could be longer. Be more elaborate. And I like the creative way of using the dialect. You actually use punctuation! Score for you. Though periods may help the beat of the poem.

taq48 · Jul 28, 2006, 02:37 PM

Whatever........I really don't care.

Silenced_Shadow · Jul 28, 2006, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taq48

Whatever........I really don't care.

No you should listen to the things she said to you, I would, she helping you out dammit.

*Kasai* · Jul 28, 2006, 04:42 PM

Hmm? No, I give critique whether it's wanted or not. I do give it if it is needed.

Silenced_Shadow · Jul 28, 2006, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kasai

Hmm? No, I give critique whether it's wanted or not. I do give it if it is needed.

I am just sayong syuor trying to help him... people agh!

*ketaro* · Jul 28, 2006, 08:35 PM

well it wasn't that great, but still it did rhyme, my suggestion would be that next time you should try to use proper lenguage.

Jul 28, 2006, 02:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
taq48 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: San Antonio, Texas Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	My online poem This short poem I made up Look at dis' fool he can't even rap Goes to da' mall and shops at da' GAP Calls himself a rapper what a joke While he's sittin' on the crapper, drinkin' a Coke Now I know who you are I know your weaknesses **** off, or get living You piece of shit -Siobahn McClintock
Status: Offline

Jul 28, 2006, 02:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
HolderOfTheDarkChalice King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above Posts: 2,939 Thanks: 62 Thanked 55 Times in 52 Posts	Re: My online poem nice ryme but a bit short for my liking but the bragging aspect is cool __________________
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Jul 28, 2006, 02:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: My online poem Wow, such vulgar language. The length of the poem could be longer. Be more elaborate. And I like the creative way of using the dialect. You actually use punctuation! Score for you. Though periods may help the beat of the poem. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Jul 28, 2006, 02:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
taq48 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: San Antonio, Texas Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: My online poem Whatever........I really don't care. Last edited by taq48; Jul 28, 2006 at 04:18 PM.
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Jul 28, 2006, 04:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: My online poem Hmm? No, I give critique whether it's wanted or not. I do give it if it is needed. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
Status: Offline

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Jul 28, 2006, 08:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
ketaro You's Trollin Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,287 Thanks: 30 Thanked 37 Times in 35 Posts	Re: My online poem well it wasn't that great, but still it did rhyme, my suggestion would be that next time you should try to use proper lenguage. __________________ O o /¯/___________________________ ________ IM'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZERZ! IBLAAAAAAA! \_\¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ¯ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
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