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Thread: My online poem

  1. #1
    Newbie taq48 may be famous one day taq48 may be famous one day taq48's Avatar
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    Exclamation My online poem

    This short poem I made up

    Look at dis' fool he can't even rap
    Goes to da' mall and shops at da' GAP
    Calls himself a rapper what a joke
    While he's sittin' on the crapper, drinkin' a Coke

    Now I know who you are
    I know your weaknesses
    **** off, or get living
    You piece of shit

    -Siobahn McClintock

  2. #2
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    nice ryme but a bit short for my liking but the bragging aspect is cool
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    Wow, such vulgar language. The length of the poem could be longer. Be more elaborate. And I like the creative way of using the dialect. You actually use punctuation! Score for you. Though periods may help the beat of the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #4
    Newbie taq48 may be famous one day taq48 may be famous one day taq48's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    Whatever........I really don't care.
    Last edited by taq48; Jul 28, 2006 at 03:18 PM.

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    Otaku Silenced_Shadow may be famous one day Silenced_Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    Quote Originally Posted by taq48
    Whatever........I really don't care.
    No you should listen to the things she said to you, I would, she helping you out dammit.

  6. #6
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    Hmm? No, I give critique whether it's wanted or not. I do give it if it is needed.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Otaku Silenced_Shadow may be famous one day Silenced_Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    Quote Originally Posted by Kasai
    Hmm? No, I give critique whether it's wanted or not. I do give it if it is needed.
    I am just sayong syuor trying to help him... people agh!

  8. #8
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: My online poem

    well it wasn't that great, but still it did rhyme, my suggestion would be that next time you should try to use proper lenguage.

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