My own creation

EternalNaraku77 · Aug 16, 2006, 12:58 AM

The darkness dwells deep inside
within myself i cant confide
the trust is gone replaced by hate
cant control my life or fate

see the wrongs of earth provide
a reason, method of suicide
they say have faith in them it will be sunny
they want only power, sex, and money

i cant control my beating heart
the sky turns red, its about to start
thunder rumbles, screams and cries
this is the day humanity dies.

tupacs_wifey · Aug 16, 2006, 01:07 AM

thats a pretty poem your good

*Kasai* · Aug 16, 2006, 02:18 AM

Well, the first verse of stanza one capture m interest. Then? I found out that it was a rhyming poem... I'm not really a fan of rhyming poems. I do believe that a person can make poetry without the need to rhyme. And you? You did an okay job. It would be an even better poem with some vivd words thrown in for description and elaboration.

unknown&uncaredfor · Aug 16, 2006, 09:41 PM

i like it SLATERSAN it was pretty good

Aug 16, 2006, 12:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
EternalNaraku77 Newbie Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Wichita, Kansas USA Posts: 12 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 110	My own creation The darkness dwells deep inside within myself i cant confide the trust is gone replaced by hate cant control my life or fate see the wrongs of earth provide a reason, method of suicide they say have faith in them it will be sunny they want only power, sex, and money i cant control my beating heart the sky turns red, its about to start thunder rumbles, screams and cries this is the day humanity dies.
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Aug 16, 2006, 01:07 AM	#2 (permalink)
tupacs_wifey Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: In My own heart Posts: 441 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 697	Re: My own creation thats a pretty poem your good __________________ HolderOfTheDarkChalice's LiL sis
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Aug 16, 2006, 02:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,380	Re: My own creation Well, the first verse of stanza one capture m interest. Then? I found out that it was a rhyming poem... I'm not really a fan of rhyming poems. I do believe that a person can make poetry without the need to rhyme. And you? You did an okay job. It would be an even better poem with some vivd words thrown in for description and elaboration. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Aug 16, 2006, 09:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
unknown&uncaredfor Newbie Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 10	Re: My own creation i like it SLATERSAN it was pretty good
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