+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: my poem

  1. #1
    Newbie lydia sex slave may be famous one day lydia sex slave may be famous one day lydia sex slave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    with girls and some guys
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    my poem

    as i stroll along a narrow path
    the trees are calling recreating my past
    i dont want this anymore
    i screamed to myself
    i dont want to have feelings
    in side my head
    i love only my gf
    i will always do too
    i love my gf so much
    for all the things weve been through
    lately i have seen
    tht the male side is caring
    i try to resist
    but my heart feels like sharing
    now i stand on this rocky peak
    ready to jump
    into a dismall sea
    will someone save me
    who knows not me
    i hope i dont die
    but this must be


    ok if this sucks compared to all other poems please dont be too harsh im a little on the sensitive side
    made by sinistra thnk you love my friends aswell

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: my poem

    Capitalization, punctuation, and a little estanza spacing would make this an okay poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility
    Posts
    585
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Re: my poem

    good poem but capitalization and punctuation are need when begining and ending a line or stanza! But keep up the good work! I don't know if you are a member, the poem and fanfics clan can help you with your poem writing skills(just a suggestion). Hope to read more of your work!

  4. #4
    Newbie lydia sex slave may be famous one day lydia sex slave may be famous one day lydia sex slave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    with girls and some guys
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: my poem

    ok thnk you ill put more thought into punctuation and capitalisation thnk you for the comments
    made by sinistra thnk you love my friends aswell

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. a poem of love (poem)
    By deaths_raver667 in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jun 02, 2005, 02:22 AM
  2. Say or No (Poem)
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: May 04, 2005, 11:20 PM
  3. write me a poem [poem]
    By jao in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Apr 29, 2005, 06:48 PM
  4. A Poem About Writing a Poem
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Apr 10, 2005, 10:44 AM
  5. My poem...
    By alukard_kamui89 in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Mar 25, 2005, 04:38 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts