My Sweet Little Nightmare

Seirika · Aug 05, 2007, 08:22 PM

My own little Nightmare to hold in my arms,
His cold glare still does the charm.
My little Nightmare sing of your sorrow,
Will you be my bleak tomorrow?
My little Nightmare is my only sin.
He's the product of unholy kin.
My sweet little Nightmare I shall always love,
He's my own Fallen Angel cast from above.
My little Night is caring and kind,
But he only wishes to be mine.
My darling little Nightmare keeps me at wits end.
Somehow we always seem to make a mends.
My little Nightmare so pale and cold,
He needs someone he can hold.
My poor little Nightmare...is all alone.

ILikeApples5520 · Aug 05, 2007, 09:46 PM

Wow.. This one sent a shiver up my spine.

I thought the rhythm was kinda off, cause the amount of words were not always consistent every rhyming pair.

But this had very strong words and emotion.

I hope to see more from you.

Seirika · Aug 06, 2007, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILikeApples5520

I thought the rhythm was kinda off, cause the amount of words were not always consistent every rhyming pair.

lol,thank you.
I do agree that the rhyming was a bit overdone,but I don't think it was that bad.

*Peach_follows* · Aug 07, 2007, 09:43 AM

I don't think the rhyming was overdone. I thought this was clever. The way you idolized your loved one by defining him as a "nightmare" was very unique. I liked the use of color. And I liked how that last line (wich ended in alone) didn't have another line to follow it. That added so much to its meaning. Very cool poem!

iluvmyloser · Aug 07, 2007, 09:49 AM

great work on this poem its...very emotional and powerfull meanings of words..bit off the ryming but i know you'll get better ♥~*The Princess*~♥

Seirika · Aug 07, 2007, 05:16 PM

Both of you,thank you.

@Peach: I couldn't let it be turned into one of those "sappy" love poems without putting some thought into it.
Well for the colors,it was actually simple,not much thought was put into them.>*Favorite Colors*<

bratling · Aug 14, 2007, 01:01 PM

I really, really like this. The rhyming was great, it made it flow so easily. And the feeling it envoked was a good one, despite the lonliness in it. I am weird I guess. But either way good job. I really enjoy your writing.

Aug 05, 2007, 08:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
Seirika Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the RAINBOW Posts: 152 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,700	My Sweet Little Nightmare My own little Nightmare to hold in my arms, His cold glare still does the charm. My little Nightmare sing of your sorrow, Will you be my bleak tomorrow? My little Nightmare is my only sin. He's the product of unholy kin. My sweet little Nightmare I shall always love, He's my own Fallen Angel cast from above. My little Night is caring and kind, But he only wishes to be mine. My darling little Nightmare keeps me at wits end. Somehow we always seem to make a mends. My little Nightmare so pale and cold, He needs someone he can hold. My poor little Nightmare...is all alone. __________________ Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.
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Aug 05, 2007, 09:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
ILikeApples5520 Otaku Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Bergen County, NJ Posts: 298 Thanks: 8 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Credits: 6,433	Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare Wow.. This one sent a shiver up my spine. I thought the rhythm was kinda off, cause the amount of words were not always consistent every rhyming pair. But this had very strong words and emotion. I hope to see more from you. __________________ Thanks to _gwenibe_ for this awesome sig!
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Aug 07, 2007, 09:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
Peach_follows Moving right along.... Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Friendly Fridley Posts: 1,165 Thanks: 62 Thanked 64 Times in 56 Posts Credits: 3,512	Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare I don't think the rhyming was overdone. I thought this was clever. The way you idolized your loved one by defining him as a "nightmare" was very unique. I liked the use of color. And I liked how that last line (wich ended in alone) didn't have another line to follow it. That added so much to its meaning. Very cool poem! __________________ If you don't like my peaches. Don't shake my tree. http://www.myspace.com/j1gg481tt
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Aug 07, 2007, 09:49 AM	#5 (permalink)
iluvmyloser Àddïctëd tø \|ăüghïñg :) Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: No where near, New York. Posts: 672 Thanks: 31 Thanked 18 Times in 17 Posts Credits: 11,584	Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare great work on this poem its...very emotional and powerfull meanings of words..bit off the ryming but i know you'll get better ♥~The Princess~♥ __________________ ♥~Bow down to your royal highness!~♥ Normal much? Haha :] Anime Wonders,Awesome Anime/Hangout site.;
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Aug 07, 2007, 05:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
Seirika Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the RAINBOW Posts: 152 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,700	Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare Both of you,thank you. @Peach: I couldn't let it be turned into one of those "sappy" love poems without putting some thought into it. Well for the colors,it was actually simple,not much thought was put into them.>Favorite Colors< __________________ Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.
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Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!

Aug 14, 2007, 01:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
bratling Sugar sweet poison Join Date: May 2007 Location: Crystal Minnesota. Posts: 516 Thanks: 0 Thanked 23 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 12,880	Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare I really, really like this. The rhyming was great, it made it flow so easily. And the feeling it envoked was a good one, despite the lonliness in it. I am weird I guess. But either way good job. I really enjoy your writing.
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