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Thread: My Sweet Little Nightmare

  1. #1
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    My Sweet Little Nightmare

    My own little Nightmare to hold in my arms,
    His cold glare still does the charm.
    My little Nightmare sing of your sorrow,
    Will you be my bleak tomorrow?
    My little Nightmare is my only sin.
    He's the product of unholy kin.
    My sweet little Nightmare I shall always love,
    He's my own Fallen Angel cast from above.
    My little Night is caring and kind,
    But he only wishes to be mine.
    My darling little Nightmare keeps me at wits end.
    Somehow we always seem to make a mends.
    My little Nightmare so pale and cold,
    He needs someone he can hold.
    My poor little Nightmare...is all alone.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  2. #2
    Otaku ILikeApples5520 is off to a good start ILikeApples5520's Avatar
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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    Wow.. This one sent a shiver up my spine.

    I thought the rhythm was kinda off, cause the amount of words were not always consistent every rhyming pair.

    But this had very strong words and emotion.

    I hope to see more from you.


    Thanks to _gwenibe_ for this awesome sig!

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    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    Quote Originally Posted by ILikeApples5520 View Post
    I thought the rhythm was kinda off, cause the amount of words were not always consistent every rhyming pair.
    lol,thank you.
    I do agree that the rhyming was a bit overdone,but I don't think it was that bad.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    I don't think the rhyming was overdone. I thought this was clever. The way you idolized your loved one by defining him as a "nightmare" was very unique. I liked the use of color. And I liked how that last line (wich ended in alone) didn't have another line to follow it. That added so much to its meaning. Very cool poem!
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    great work on this poem its...very emotional and powerfull meanings of words..bit off the ryming but i know you'll get better ♥~*The Princess*~♥
    Yeah, Bye.

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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    Both of you,thank you.

    @Peach: I couldn't let it be turned into one of those "sappy" love poems without putting some thought into it.
    Well for the colors,it was actually simple,not much thought was put into them.>*Favorite Colors*<

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: My Sweet Little Nightmare

    I really, really like this. The rhyming was great, it made it flow so easily. And the feeling it envoked was a good one, despite the lonliness in it. I am weird I guess. But either way good job. I really enjoy your writing.

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