My teen years

*RayMe* · Feb 21, 2007, 04:07 AM

It has been like forever...
My teen years shall leave me,
after all those time...
It won't be long till it's gone...
My teen years shall leave me.
The cruel and cold thing,
called time will take it away...
and when that time comes..
i shall walk no more as a teen,
but as an adult.

Just like a butterfly,
I have reached another phase...
another phase if methamorphosis.
Now the question is...
Will i be a beautiful butterfly?
or a grey moth?
I wondered...
Have i done the right choice...
Was everything i did in it was sufficient...
Was it worth it?
Have i wasted all those time?

Wretched time...How cruel u are,
How dare you...Why are you taking it away...
You left me behind...Make me struggle even more...
Struggling to keep up with u...
My teenage years will be no more...
Adulthood is near...Too near~!
NO~! Not yet..Not now...
I have not done everything i want...
Everything i need...
I still have not gone throught everything.

And with a blink of an eye...
Adultness have arrived...
and there goes...there goes my Teenage years...
I shall cherish you forever...
In my memories...
and with this...all my pain...
shall be staked into this...

*Kasai* · Feb 22, 2007, 10:42 AM

The constant use of the dots arent needed to give the poem a needed effect.

*RayMe* · Feb 25, 2007, 12:48 AM

So i just need 2 leave a blank there...ok...i get..
thx sheesh..i think this poem suks...

*Kasai* · Feb 25, 2007, 06:43 AM

It doesnt suck. the dots are just annoying and unneeded.

*RayMe* · Feb 26, 2007, 12:08 PM

really? it does nt suk? that gives me bak a lil of my confidence bak ^^
ty...

!The White Wolf · Feb 26, 2007, 12:14 PM

Very nice poem, ray-chan!!! Grammar o.< kills me!!! But other than that... I loved it!!! Tells how we have no control over the time life gives us to live. Nice poem, ray. Keep it up

*RayMe* · Feb 26, 2007, 12:34 PM

Thx...grammatical errors..pls point it out for me :/ will u whitey

!The White Wolf · Feb 26, 2007, 12:45 PM

Of course I can Ray-chan! Anything to help better your writing!

Quote:

It has been like forever...
My teen years shall leave me,
after all those time...
It won't be long till it's gone...
My teen years shall leave me.
The cruel and cold thing,
called time will take it away...
and when that time comes..
i shall walk no more as a teen,
but as an adult.

Quote:

Just like a butterfly,
I have reached another phase...
another phase if methamorphosis.
Now the question is...
Will i be a beautiful butterfly?
or a grey moth?
I wondered...
Have i done the right choice...
Was everything i did in it was sufficient...
Was it worth it?
Have i wasted all those time?

Quote:

Wretched time...How cruel u are,
How dare you...Why are you taking it away...
You left me behind...Make me struggle even more...
Struggling to keep up with u...
My teenage years will be no more...
Adulthood is near...Too near~!
NO~! Not yet..Not now...
I have not done everything i want...
Everything i need...
I still have not gone throught everything.

I'm not too sure on the tense you're using, but those are most of the mishaps I caught!

*RayMe* · Feb 26, 2007, 12:51 PM

Ahh thx..i can see clearer now...my eyes are wide open and i can spot on me mistakes ty very much ^^

!Jamie5192 · May 04, 2007, 10:26 AM

I like it... it speaks the truth and that is some of the best poetry... ^^

JefferyXie · May 04, 2007, 05:46 PM

Apart from slight spelling errors and tense misuse,i think that is a humble poem for it allows us to reflect back into the past and feel what we missed out in our youth.

Feb 21, 2007, 04:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,118	My teen years It has been like forever... My teen years shall leave me, after all those time... It won't be long till it's gone... My teen years shall leave me. The cruel and cold thing, called time will take it away... and when that time comes.. i shall walk no more as a teen, but as an adult. Just like a butterfly, I have reached another phase... another phase if methamorphosis. Now the question is... Will i be a beautiful butterfly? or a grey moth? I wondered... Have i done the right choice... Was everything i did in it was sufficient... Was it worth it? Have i wasted all those time? Wretched time...How cruel u are, How dare you...Why are you taking it away... You left me behind...Make me struggle even more... Struggling to keep up with u... My teenage years will be no more... Adulthood is near...Too near~! NO~! Not yet..Not now... I have not done everything i want... Everything i need... I still have not gone throught everything. And with a blink of an eye... Adultness have arrived... and there goes...there goes my Teenage years... I shall cherish you forever... In my memories... and with this...all my pain... shall be staked into this... __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Feb 22, 2007, 10:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,490	Re: My teen years The constant use of the dots arent needed to give the poem a needed effect. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Feb 25, 2007, 12:48 AM	#3 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,118	Re: My teen years So i just need 2 leave a blank there...ok...i get.. thx sheesh..i think this poem suks... __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Feb 25, 2007, 06:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,490	Re: My teen years It doesnt suck. the dots are just annoying and unneeded. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Feb 26, 2007, 12:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,118	Re: My teen years really? it does nt suk? that gives me bak a lil of my confidence bak ^^ ty... __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Feb 26, 2007, 12:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
!The White Wolf Why so serious? Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 2,580 Thanks: 9 Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 10,073	Re: My teen years Very nice poem, ray-chan!!! Grammar o.< kills me!!! But other than that... I loved it!!! Tells how we have no control over the time life gives us to live. Nice poem, ray. Keep it up
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Feb 26, 2007, 12:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,118	Re: My teen years Thx...grammatical errors..pls point it out for me :/ will u whitey __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
Status: Offline

Feb 26, 2007, 12:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,601 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 59,118	Re: My teen years Ahh thx..i can see clearer now...my eyes are wide open and i can spot on me mistakes ty very much ^^ __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
Status: Offline

May 04, 2007, 10:26 AM	#10 (permalink)
!Jamie5192 Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 377 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: -184	Re: My teen years I like it... it speaks the truth and that is some of the best poetry... ^^
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May 04, 2007, 05:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
JefferyXie Shichibukai Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 613 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: My teen years Apart from slight spelling errors and tense misuse,i think that is a humble poem for it allows us to reflect back into the past and feel what we missed out in our youth.
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