My wish....

!AngelicDemon201092 · Oct 26, 2007, 06:34 PM

My wish....

I wish
The pain would go away
Of knowing that you’re hurt

I wish
The misery in you heart
That I put there

I wish
The suffering your going though
Would just disappear

I wish
The lies of people around me
To just stop making me doubt

I wish
The conversation I had that one day
To just go away

I wish
The things he said to make me believe
That he was better for me

Yet even if I wish these things
You’ll still be gone
So if I had one wish
You’d be with me again

Astaroth · Oct 27, 2007, 01:00 PM

Nicely done!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love the words......and the unique way of the rhyme!!!!!!!!!

Tifa Lockhart · Oct 27, 2007, 04:14 PM

A nice little poem. My suggestion...Make it a little more complex. Try adding more imagery to it.

ibelongtohim · Oct 27, 2007, 04:29 PM

nice work!!!!!! luv it!!!!

luv to hear from u more!!!

*RayMe* · Oct 27, 2007, 08:20 PM

agreed with tifa

oh yes... nice work indeed ^^ i like it too... it's simple..

!AngelicDemon201092 · Oct 28, 2007, 02:37 PM

Okay.. Thanks for the feedback you guys. ^-^ I'll write more for you.. ^-^

Oct 26, 2007, 06:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
!AngelicDemon201092 Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lindsborg Posts: 155 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 6,221	My wish.... My wish.... I wish The pain would go away Of knowing that you’re hurt I wish The misery in you heart That I put there I wish The suffering your going though Would just disappear I wish The lies of people around me To just stop making me doubt I wish The conversation I had that one day To just go away I wish The things he said to make me believe That he was better for me Yet even if I wish these things You’ll still be gone So if I had one wish You’d be with me again Last edited by AngelicDemon201092; Oct 27, 2007 at 01:04 PM.
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Oct 27, 2007, 01:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Astaroth Chtonian Slayer Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: you really do not want to know Posts: 562 Thanks: 23 Thanked 47 Times in 45 Posts Credits: 31,869	Re: My wish.... Nicely done!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love the words......and the unique way of the rhyme!!!!!!!!! __________________ DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON
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Oct 27, 2007, 04:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tifa Lockhart Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nibelheim Posts: 150 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 2,697	Re: My wish.... A nice little poem. My suggestion...Make it a little more complex. Try adding more imagery to it.
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Oct 27, 2007, 04:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
ibelongtohim Newbie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 7 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 530	Re: My wish.... nice work!!!!!! luv it!!!! luv to hear from u more!!! __________________ " love is an emotion that flows through everyone no matter who or where you are"
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Oct 27, 2007, 08:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,606 Thanks: 55 Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts Credits: 59,502	Re: My wish.... agreed with tifa oh yes... nice work indeed ^^ i like it too... it's simple.. __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Oct 28, 2007, 02:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
!AngelicDemon201092 Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lindsborg Posts: 155 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 6,221	Re: My wish.... Okay.. Thanks for the feedback you guys. ^-^ I'll write more for you.. ^-^
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