To Myself

This is my first poem posted on AO, so I want to hear honest opinions. Love it, hate it, don't give a flying crap...let me know.

To Myself

Forgive me, little girl
say we'd have ended up here
anyway
or else we'll die here
anyway
or else everything you wanted
everything I need
will remain a dream
will vanish in the smoke of failure
Say there's still hope, little girl
tell me we can go back
tell me this isn't it
If you say it
if you want it so
I'll fight
I'll give you that life
I'll make you proud, little girl
Just stay by me
keep your voice in my ear
and I'll make you proud, little girl

It is a nice poem and not bad for your first post. It sounded kinda sweet. Good job.

Hmm rather a sweet poem.. but it lacks imagination :p but it was nice ^^
..im not good about the rhyme and stuff... don't ask me bout this :confused:

The "anyway" part seemed a bit strange for me. And it does lack imaginative descriptions. Other than that an OK poem. :)

Gren, this is was really sweet. I loved it. I cant really write like this, so congrats for mastering it.

Thanks all. I appreciate any constructive criticism (though I did balk a bit at "lacks imagination" :( ).

Glad you enjoyed it Kasai!