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Mar 31, 2007, 10:25 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
  PIGGY!!  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago
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 Credits: 15,704 | To Myself This is my first poem posted on AO, so I want to hear honest opinions. Love it, hate it, don't give a flying crap...let me know. To Myself Forgive me, little girl say we'd have ended up here anyway or else we'll die here anyway or else everything you wanted everything I need will remain a dream will vanish in the smoke of failure Say there's still hope, little girl tell me we can go back tell me this isn't it If you say it if you want it so I'll fight I'll give you that life I'll make you proud, little girl Just stay by me keep your voice in my ear and I'll make you proud, little girl |
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Apr 01, 2007, 12:36 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
 Heavy Metal Goddess  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: a place where the stars shine as bright as the sun
Posts: 578
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Thanked 16 Times in 16 Posts
Credits: 2,336 | Re: To Myself It is a nice poem and not bad for your first post. It sounded kinda sweet. Good job.
__________________  "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach"Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice Thanks so much I love it! |
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Apr 01, 2007, 12:43 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
 1 )3^^( )N  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better...
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Credits: 59,118 | Re: To Myself Hmm rather a sweet poem.. but it lacks imagination  but it was nice ^^..im not good about the rhyme and stuff... don't ask me bout this  |
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Apr 01, 2007, 01:41 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Elie Jelly  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Hell is an understatement
Posts: 608
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Credits: 2,051 | Re: To Myself The "anyway" part seemed a bit strange for me. And it does lack imaginative descriptions. Other than that an OK poem.  |
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Apr 02, 2007, 11:38 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Domme  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida
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Credits: 1,490 | Re: To Myself Gren, this is was really sweet. I loved it. I cant really write like this, so congrats for mastering it.
__________________ Seduced by Flesh  |
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Apr 02, 2007, 05:17 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| PIGGY!! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago
Posts: 843
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Thanked 19 Times in 15 Posts
Credits: 15,704 | Re: To Myself Thanks all. I appreciate any constructive criticism (though I did balk a bit at "lacks imagination"  ).Glad you enjoyed it Kasai! |
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