Mysterious

Sazzy · May 08, 2007, 06:55 PM

Unfamiliar,
The light that shines.
Surround by black,
As noises fade to the past.
Tension,
That fills my body,
As I can barely move,
Limbs feel like lead.
Building,
Of a new sensation.
One I've never felt before,
Causing me to fall.
Abandoning,
The body that contains me.
With a new mark its given,
Stained with red that spreads.
Mystery,
Of what happened to me,
Left me here to die alone,
The bullet leaving it's mark.
Dead,
Laying lifeless on the floor,
With just one question,
The mystery of who shot me.

A poem I wrote for a POTW on another forum.

*Raimann* · May 08, 2007, 10:50 PM

im surprised that no one left a comment. this poem is good, talkin bout the sensations that are strange to you body, but something is missing, but i dont know, i can feel it though. its a nice poem to read tho, so good job dancy

*Lasura* · May 09, 2007, 08:07 AM

I really like this poem... It's written in a really interesting way... think I have to try something like this out...
It's really interesting, it made me live with it... it has some kind of motion in it... witch is really great in a poem!

KuwiRules145 · May 09, 2007, 04:23 PM

What a cool poem! I like your beautiful poem. I hope to see more.

!The White Wolf · May 09, 2007, 10:24 PM

Saz what an amazing poem this was, only to be ruined by the last line! Maybe if you stated that line in a different manner, maybe in a more serious tone. Something such as,

Quote:

"With just one question,
and the image of that face, a blur."

I loved how you set the poem and its story up. Very creative. Vivid imagery and no grammatical errors.. You definately should have won that contest.

Great writing, saz.

Nympho · May 13, 2007, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancy_SAZ

Unfamiliar,
The light that shines.
Surround by black,
As noises fade to the past.
Tension,
That fills my body,
As I can barely move,
Limbs feel like lead.
Building,
Of a new sensation.
One I've never felt before,
Causing me to fall.
Abandoning,
The body that contains me.
With a new mark its given,
Stained with red that spreads.
Mystery,
Of what happened to me,
Left me here to die alone,
The bullet leaving it's mark.
Dead,
Laying lifeless on the floor,
With just one question,
The mystery of who shot me.

A poem I wrote for a POTW on another forum.

who shot you! I'll kill them dead! Lol. This was great! More details are in order! Can you possibly form it more like your describing a crime scene. And i think it will be a masterpiece!

*Rave_Grip* · May 14, 2007, 12:32 AM

Wow, this is really good! Great writing, nice choice of words, and I would be surprised if you didn't win the POTW!

May 08, 2007, 06:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sazzy Member of 22 yr old Club Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: In my imagination restricted by British Society! Posts: 1,835 Thanks: 7 Thanked 19 Times in 15 Posts Credits: 34,739	Mysterious Unfamiliar, The light that shines. Surround by black, As noises fade to the past. Tension, That fills my body, As I can barely move, Limbs feel like lead. Building, Of a new sensation. One I've never felt before, Causing me to fall. Abandoning, The body that contains me. With a new mark its given, Stained with red that spreads. Mystery, Of what happened to me, Left me here to die alone, The bullet leaving it's mark. Dead, Laying lifeless on the floor, With just one question, The mystery of who shot me. A poem I wrote for a POTW on another forum. __________________ FAVOURITE THREADS EXPLAIN why, or risk an infraction. Well Just one more sig won't hurt, right? how about another??? Sazzy-Bu.co.uk
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May 08, 2007, 10:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
Raimann Decapitation?DontBePicky! Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 660 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 7,994	Re: Mysterious im surprised that no one left a comment. this poem is good, talkin bout the sensations that are strange to you body, but something is missing, but i dont know, i can feel it though. its a nice poem to read tho, so good job dancy __________________ Want Credits Fast? Love The Thrill Of Gambling? Then Come On Down And See For Yourself! http://www.animeonline.net/f5/nfl-football-31440/
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May 09, 2007, 08:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
Lasura Angelic Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms Posts: 1,872 Thanks: 56 Thanked 34 Times in 31 Posts Credits: 49,619	Re: Mysterious I really like this poem... It's written in a really interesting way... think I have to try something like this out... It's really interesting, it made me live with it... it has some kind of motion in it... witch is really great in a poem! __________________ My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge
Status: Offline

May 09, 2007, 04:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
KuwiRules145 Tournaments Won: 2 ♡♥I love you Kyle Kun!♥♡ Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In my lovers heart Posts: 963 Thanks: 3 Thanked 24 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 13,226	Re: Mysterious What a cool poem! I like your beautiful poem. I hope to see more. __________________ ♡♥♡♥No matter what I'll always love you for Eternity...I love you Kyle♥♡♥♡ Never let me go... hold me tight and love me like I do ♡♥Anime Life♥♡
Status: Offline

May 14, 2007, 12:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Rave_Grip I hate idiots on AO. Kill Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Life is an illusion. Posts: 2,337 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 16,710	Re: Mysterious Wow, this is really good! Great writing, nice choice of words, and I would be surprised if you didn't win the POTW! __________________ I tried. \| .:~My AO Gallery~:. \| \| .:~The AO Rules~:. \|
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