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Thread: Never Alone

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Never Alone

    As she stands in the grass with the
    wind blowing in her face no one can
    hear her as she scream's that silent
    rage at the world, feeling no one cares
    or even knows that she is only wanting
    peace with in.

    A friend walks by and he said hello
    she smiled with a tear knowing he might
    help all he did was stand there and offere her
    his kindness, she rejected it from fear not knowing
    what that was, he walked away with a smile knowing
    she would be fine soon .

    Weeks went by as she stood there still
    this time her tears couldn't fall anymore
    the uncaring world just watched as
    she faded, he came by once again this
    time he offered his heart to her because
    he had been where she she is now.

    Then it happened he never gave up on her
    he kept his promise never letting her go
    and held her in his arms as the sun went down
    as she smiles with tears of joy.

    this poem is for Julia she really is an awesome
    person i know i still need work with my punctuations
    and grammar and my stanza's still suck but this
    is for her and hope her days of feeling bad will soon be
    over. and the poem its self is to prove no matter
    how alone you feel or how uncared for you feel
    some one will care for you no matter how the winds of
    change blow.
    Last edited by HolderOfTheDarkChalice; Nov 08, 2006 at 05:21 AM.
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    Otaku LouisaDeztini may be famous one day LouisaDeztini may be famous one day
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    Re: Never Alone

    Yeah... You still have the same problem as your previous poem, the 'flow'. I guess its quite different for you huh? Don't change it to suit others, make sure you keep your distinct style. It had a slight 'edge' to it. Go Chris! Lolz...

    You have that knack of... how do I explain. Making people understand the poem easily, with no extra hidden meanings, ok, maybe there is, but my friends agree that its really good, besides the grammar etc. By the way,
    stanze1, line three, "scream" should be 'screams'

    Was it done on the spot? You should go through the poem a few times to make sure the grammar is passable.

  3. #3
    Newbie Twisted Fate may be famous one day Twisted Fate may be famous one day
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    Re: Never Alone

    *sniffs* Awh..its really a great poem! its sweet and sad...

  4. #4
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Never Alone

    thanks im glad you lboth liked it and i will work with my
    grammer they should have grammer check along with
    spellcheckm till i get better at it lol,and im glad you understand it
    i will go back and see what elese need work ,thans for the sugeestions
    and comments
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  5. #5
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Never Alone

    Weee. A wonderful poem indeed. The wording rolls off your mind and the content keeps you interested. Good poem!
    Seduced by Flesh


  6. #6
    Otaku Sincere may be famous one day Sincere may be famous one day Sincere's Avatar
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    Re: Never Alone

    Wow Chris, thank you that was really good. I appreciate that a lot, I really do. That was cool.

    I liked how you wrote it too. Your description was nice.
    C:\Documents and Settings\Julia\My Documents\My Pictures\Siggy.jpg
    A white rose no longer alone
    I know who's heart it is to represent
    I didn't pick it, but i let it grow
    For he's the one that's heaven sent. :
    I love you, my White Rose.: The Poop Forums

  7. #7
    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
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    Re: Never Alone

    wow that was awesome dude and i really hope to see more of your work.
    Shippo is determined to become a lvl higher
    I'm a solider of Pen and Paper!
    <3 Atomik_Sprout <3

  8. #8
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Never Alone

    Awesome poem Bro! I almost missed this one, and the thought process behind this one is awesome it really keeps you hooked! Excellent job on this one!

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