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Thread: New Haiku

  1. #1
    Otaku Waremono is off to a good start Waremono's Avatar
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    New Haiku

    Here is another group of my haiku, I chose to focus on the holidays.

    The fireworks burst
    Coloring black painted skies
    I lay on your lap

    Eerie noises sound
    Spirits from past years come forth
    Scared children fleeing

    Big pretty ribbons
    Elegantly wrapped boxes
    Love in a package

    Cards of pink and red
    Hearts flowing over paper
    Let fate choose your love

    Hidden painted eggs
    Find their vibrant colors quick
    A white rabbit flees

    Eating till you burst
    Baking pastries, turkey meat
    Thank your family

    Zodiac left out
    The poor cat, where will he go
    I open for him

    Fear grabs onto me
    My forever lonely fate
    Help me cast it off

    Ok, so now that those cats are out of the bag, I'll reveal a project that I have been working on. I don't know if multiple lined haiku exist, but here is the first anyway!

    Can nobody see
    The pain lying inside me
    Dormant yet awake

    Sorrow lifting up
    Then crashing down on the ground
    So much senseless pain

    Can you rearrange
    Hurtful memories of mine
    Make them go away

    Not able to sleep
    Alone in the night I dream
    This feeling won't leave

    Silent is the wind
    That blows good fortune away
    Fate denies me peace

    Lost in a black void
    Colors come but none will stay
    My heart in the dark

    Alone forever
    In crevices in my mind
    These words cry to me

    No longer weeping
    I was led to a bright light
    Now I am so warm

    Soft angel wings fly
    My heart up into the air
    Love is still alive

    Now I stand with you
    Warm and hopeful deep inside
    Happy to be loved

    How was it? I like it to some degree, but I really couldn't care what my oppinion is.
    If your happy and you know it make a kitty!!! =^_^= <Meow!

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    Do you care about my opinion? I thought this was very beautiful.. It can be hard to fit real emotions into sylabol sequences of 5,7,5. But you really have mastered it!
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Re: New Haiku

    Sorry but i thought it was a bit too long i read 3/4 of it then i gave up a bit of a long part in one of the lines but you have got the talent sorry about the comment just htought you would like to know...

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    From the ones about holidays I liked the first one (maybe even just because the last line, it just made me imagine it all...), the third one (agian because of the last line, it's perfect- "Love in a package"- could you say it better?) and the fourth one (made me dream about love. lol)

    And I liked that weird project... I don't think multiple lined haiku exist, I think they're all about being short, the art of haiku is the art to tell many important things in few words, but this was quite interesting. I liked it quite well.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
    Otaku Waremono is off to a good start Waremono's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    I apologize for the "Haiku project", I thought that it would be fun, it was, but I have to follow the rules of haiku for now on so I'll just trash it.
    Thank you for all your compliments, is there anything that needs improving?
    If your happy and you know it make a kitty!!! =^_^= <Meow!

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    Otaku kossetsu shita is off to a good start kossetsu shita's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    I thought it was okay, but im not really into haiku, but this got my attention for a bit, so i thought id post and tell u my thoughts, for sum1 like me who doesnt likeit, it surte worked long enough for me to read it all, so ya, bye

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    Otaku Waremono is off to a good start Waremono's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    Thank you for your input, I'm sorry that you are not interested in haiku all that much.
    If your happy and you know it make a kitty!!! =^_^= <Meow!

  8. #8
    Otaku halo3master may be famous one day halo3master may be famous one day halo3master's Avatar
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    Re: New Haiku

    i never userstood the point of a haiku but anyway i love the haiku

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