new poem

god of death · Jan 26, 2007, 06:58 AM

One day when I was walking
through heavens many halls
I chanced upon a room

It smelled of stale and rotting
was cluttered to the roof
few would dare to enter
the room of Broken Dreams

So many there were gathered
I recognized my own
unabashed, the tears began to flow
in the room of Broken Dreams

Hastily I made retreat
where joy freely doth flow forth
reverently i closed the door
on the room of Broken Dreams

And as I put the door behind
the golden halls before
I cast one final look behind
and thanked the Lord of All

No matter how many I had seen
nor many more I'd see
I know the Lord of All
left many more to be

i really dont have a title for this one

Self Loving Carnage · Jan 26, 2007, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by god of death

One day when I was walking
through heavens many halls
I chanced upon a room

It smelled of stale and rotting
was cluttered to the roof
few would dare to enter
the room of Broken Dreams

So many there were gathered
I recognized my own
unabashed, the tears began to flow
in the room of Broken Dreams

Hastily I made retreat
where joy freely doth flow forth
reverently i closed the door
on the room of Broken Dreams

And as I put the door behind
the golden halls before
I cast one final look behind
and thanked the Lord of All

No matter how many I had seen
nor many more I'd see
I know the Lord of All
left many more to be

i really dont have a title for this one

This one is good. I liked it. Keep 'em coming dude. ^_^

god of death · Jan 26, 2007, 07:52 AM

Thanks i do appreicate any compliments or critizism. there shall be more.

*Kasai* · Jan 26, 2007, 01:30 PM

Punctuation would help the flow. Use it any way you feel.

Youth-anime-fan · Jan 26, 2007, 03:34 PM

I totally know its writers prerogative, but you have me reading a 3 line stanza, then switch it to all 4 liners.

I really like this poem. It has a lot of emotion.

JefferyXie · Jan 26, 2007, 04:14 PM

I like the structure of this poem and the emotions that is within but i have to say,you lack in punctuation.That's my opinion.Work on your weakness and try and give your poem a title.That should improve the standard of your poem.

KimiFemi · Jan 26, 2007, 04:32 PM

it's sad but hopefull
i like it =)
do you write poems often?

god of death · Jan 27, 2007, 09:49 AM

kimifemi, i do write poems alot but well it seems im getting a little discouraged right now. but yes i do write them alot why do you ask?

KimiFemi · Jan 30, 2007, 01:17 PM

Oh I was just asking if you've written any other poems because
I'm curious
and might want to read them if you've posted or will post them =)
and don't let the other's comments get you down
everyone's picking at the punctuation =P
really i dont think it matter's that much
it's your poem
and you can put it together however you like
they didn't create it, you did.
So perk up! lol =)

god of death · Feb 01, 2007, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KimiFemi

Oh I was just asking if you've written any other poems because
I'm curious
and might want to read them if you've posted or will post them =)
and don't let the other's comments get you down
everyone's picking at the punctuation =P
really i dont think it matter's that much
it's your poem
and you can put it together however you like
they didn't create it, you did.
So perk up! lol =)

awwww arent you nice! i might not be putting more up here though, it seems that to many people have a probelm with punctuation and spelling.
ive got alot of my site....
but once again thanks.
your curious? hahhaha i dont know if thats good or bad.
as for perking up... i dont really do that, im a loner and dont have much to be happy about.

KimiFemi · Feb 01, 2007, 02:48 PM

I know! I am nice arent I? lol!
anyway why wouldnt you put up other poems?
even bad criticism means you've got people interested enough to look lol
isnt that the whole point of this site to gain the interest of others?
if you dont get replies then you might as well write in a journal instead
just my opinion of cousre lol
anyway I hope you do feel up to posting more poems later
but no pressure
can't perk up? how about a smile instead??

~~~ K ~~~

Jan 26, 2007, 06:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
god of death Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: brimstone graveyard Posts: 156 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 362	new poem One day when I was walking through heavens many halls I chanced upon a room It smelled of stale and rotting was cluttered to the roof few would dare to enter the room of Broken Dreams So many there were gathered I recognized my own unabashed, the tears began to flow in the room of Broken Dreams Hastily I made retreat where joy freely doth flow forth reverently i closed the door on the room of Broken Dreams And as I put the door behind the golden halls before I cast one final look behind and thanked the Lord of All No matter how many I had seen nor many more I'd see I know the Lord of All left many more to be i really dont have a title for this one __________________ I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness...... http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php this is my site come and see me there sometime!
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Jan 26, 2007, 07:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
god of death Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: brimstone graveyard Posts: 156 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 362	Re: new poem Thanks i do appreicate any compliments or critizism. there shall be more. __________________ I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness...... http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php this is my site come and see me there sometime!
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Jan 26, 2007, 01:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,380	Re: new poem Punctuation would help the flow. Use it any way you feel. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Jan 26, 2007, 03:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
Youth-anime-fan Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Online Posts: 107 Thanks: 2 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 3,055	Re: new poem I totally know its writers prerogative, but you have me reading a 3 line stanza, then switch it to all 4 liners. I really like this poem. It has a lot of emotion. __________________
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Jan 26, 2007, 04:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
JefferyXie Shichibukai Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 613 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: new poem I like the structure of this poem and the emotions that is within but i have to say,you lack in punctuation.That's my opinion.Work on your weakness and try and give your poem a title.That should improve the standard of your poem.
Status: Offline

Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!

Jan 26, 2007, 04:32 PM	#7 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,554	Re: new poem it's sad but hopefull i like it =) do you write poems often?
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Jan 27, 2007, 09:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
god of death Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: brimstone graveyard Posts: 156 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 362	Re: new poem kimifemi, i do write poems alot but well it seems im getting a little discouraged right now. but yes i do write them alot why do you ask? __________________ I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness...... http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php this is my site come and see me there sometime!
Status: Offline

Jan 30, 2007, 01:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,554	Re: new poem Oh I was just asking if you've written any other poems because I'm curious and might want to read them if you've posted or will post them =) and don't let the other's comments get you down everyone's picking at the punctuation =P really i dont think it matter's that much it's your poem and you can put it together however you like they didn't create it, you did. So perk up! lol =)
Status: Offline

Feb 01, 2007, 02:48 PM	#11 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,554	Re: new poem I know! I am nice arent I? lol! anyway why wouldnt you put up other poems? even bad criticism means you've got people interested enough to look lol isnt that the whole point of this site to gain the interest of others? if you dont get replies then you might as well write in a journal instead just my opinion of cousre lol anyway I hope you do feel up to posting more poems later but no pressure can't perk up? how about a smile instead?? ~~~ K ~~~
Status: Offline

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