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Thread: new poem

  1. #1
    Otaku god of death may be famous one day god of death may be famous one day god of death's Avatar
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    new poem

    One day when I was walking
    through heavens many halls
    I chanced upon a room

    It smelled of stale and rotting
    was cluttered to the roof
    few would dare to enter
    the room of Broken Dreams

    So many there were gathered
    I recognized my own
    unabashed, the tears began to flow
    in the room of Broken Dreams

    Hastily I made retreat
    where joy freely doth flow forth
    reverently i closed the door
    on the room of Broken Dreams

    And as I put the door behind
    the golden halls before
    I cast one final look behind
    and thanked the Lord of All

    No matter how many I had seen
    nor many more I'd see
    I know the Lord of All
    left many more to be

    i really dont have a title for this one
    I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness......
    http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php
    this is my site come and see me there sometime!

  2. #2
    Demon Loving Only Himself Self Loving Carnage may be famous one day Self Loving Carnage may be famous one day Self Loving Carnage's Avatar
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    Re: new poem

    Quote Originally Posted by god of death View Post
    One day when I was walking
    through heavens many halls
    I chanced upon a room

    It smelled of stale and rotting
    was cluttered to the roof
    few would dare to enter
    the room of Broken Dreams

    So many there were gathered
    I recognized my own
    unabashed, the tears began to flow
    in the room of Broken Dreams

    Hastily I made retreat
    where joy freely doth flow forth
    reverently i closed the door
    on the room of Broken Dreams

    And as I put the door behind
    the golden halls before
    I cast one final look behind
    and thanked the Lord of All

    No matter how many I had seen
    nor many more I'd see
    I know the Lord of All
    left many more to be

    i really dont have a title for this one
    This one is good. I liked it. Keep 'em coming dude. ^_^
    You are not your job. You are not your bank account. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your ****ing Khakis. We are the all seeing all dancing crap of the world. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake you are the same rotting organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap.

  3. #3
    Otaku god of death may be famous one day god of death may be famous one day god of death's Avatar
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    Re: new poem

    Thanks i do appreicate any compliments or critizism. there shall be more.
    I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness......
    http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php
    this is my site come and see me there sometime!

  4. #4
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: new poem

    Punctuation would help the flow. Use it any way you feel.
    Seduced by Flesh


  5. #5
    Otaku Youth-anime-fan is off to a good start
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    Re: new poem

    I totally know its writers prerogative, but you have me reading a 3 line stanza, then switch it to all 4 liners.

    I really like this poem. It has a lot of emotion.

  6. #6
    Shichibukai JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie's Avatar
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    Re: new poem

    I like the structure of this poem and the emotions that is within but i have to say,you lack in punctuation.That's my opinion.Work on your weakness and try and give your poem a title.That should improve the standard of your poem.

  7. #7
    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: new poem

    it's sad but hopefull
    i like it =)
    do you write poems often?

  8. #8
    Otaku god of death may be famous one day god of death may be famous one day god of death's Avatar
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    Re: new poem

    kimifemi, i do write poems alot but well it seems im getting a little discouraged right now. but yes i do write them alot why do you ask?
    I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness......
    http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_doorway/index.php
    this is my site come and see me there sometime!

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