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Reply With QuoteThat was a very nice poem. Well done, and well written. I like how I was able to see the event unfold with each section. Also, your metaphors were a good use in this one. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more from you.
To what do I owe the pleasure
Your face outside my window
Ghastly white like fresh fallen snow
Your alluring eyes grip hold my soul
I leave my bed and open my window
Allowing you entrance upon my threshold
Your eyes hold mine in a transfixed gaze
My fate is sealed in an unknown maze
You come close to me
Your warm breath upon my cheek
I feel the sharpness of your fangs
As they graze the jaw-line of my neck
They slowly sink into my flesh
As pale as the moon on a summer night
Crimson fluid spills down my chest
Life as I know it is drained from my neck
Slowly the room begins to fade
I start to slide from your embrace
I collapse to the floor hardly conscious
I'm so weak I'm barely breathing
Your shadow falls across me
As I lay there in the dark
Your voice an echo in my head
A choice is placed before I'm dead
I try to decline your offer
But my soul accepts your dark gift
The pain rushes through me again
Blood fills my mind and vision
I feel my strength return
Like liquid fire in my veins
I slowly sit upright and turn towards you
My thirst for knowledge overwhelming
I'm now a phantom of the Night
Your child of the Darkness
A silent shadow in the evening
Sometime later we'll be meeting
Last edited by hyuuga13; Nov 16, 2006 at 01:14 PM.
Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily!
That was a very nice poem. Well done, and well written. I like how I was able to see the event unfold with each section. Also, your metaphors were a good use in this one. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more from you.
Far be it for me to be anything special, when the only special thing I desire with me, is the special person I share my gifts with.
thank you i appreciate all criticism. and all complements. a poet likes to know if their work is worth reading and even worth pursuing.
Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily!
Very nice... post some more good ones soon... sorry... can't think of much better stuff to say... I'm kinda new to poetry...
I have an RP site... want to join? Then PM me and we'll talk...
P.S. - Don't hurt me...
Inspiration from a game or from a passion? By the way your link made me loose 1.3 litters of blood you know!
Back on subject: I appreciated your varying vocabulary use and storylike continuation to the writing. If you get inspiration from various places other than vampires, meaing if your own personal experiences, the people around you, things you see or hear, etc, make you feel inspired to write, I'd say give it a good long thought and start writing to your heart's desire. I've been writing small poems here and there and no matter how good or bad they might be, I just go on for myself and also for others as gifts when I don't know what to give or have a lack of funds xD
If you like dark subjects, I do have a few, but scattered quite a bit, my most rencent one was about an anime series I watched and you should find it easily. I hope to fall upon another of your writings as they are fairly long, yet easy to read
Originally Posted by Soldat of life
Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME
ill make sure to put more out there. when exactly i dont know. and the link has nothing to do with the poem. sorry about that though.
Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily!
This poem was long but very awesome...The words are so deep it kept me repeating to read it. Nice poem hyuuga13...
i do actually like the darker subjects so if you have any ideas that i can use to get started on my next poem i would sure like to hear them. my family says that im "dark and twisty" so i guessed that the subject matter should match as well.lolInspiration from a game or from a passion? By the way your link made me loose 1.3 litters of blood you know!
Back on subject: I appreciated your varying vocabulary use and storylike continuation to the writing. If you get inspiration from various places other than vampires, meaing if your own personal experiences, the people around you, things you see or hear, etc, make you feel inspired to write, I'd say give it a good long thought and start writing to your heart's desire. I've been writing small poems here and there and no matter how good or bad they might be, I just go on for myself and also for others as gifts when I don't know what to give or have a lack of funds xD
If you like dark subjects, I do have a few, but scattered quite a bit, my most rencent one was about an anime series I watched and you should find it easily. I hope to fall upon another of your writings as they are fairly long, yet easy to read
Why is everything so ****ing hard for me? Keep me down to what you think I should be! Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily!
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