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Thread: Nightmare

  1. #1
    ★~Ao's Irish Fariy ~★ equinn may be famous one day equinn may be famous one day equinn's Avatar
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    Nightmare

    maybe if i go over there he may see
    me as a person but if i do he may awww i dont like to talk about that
    but if he comes to me how can i say no to him
    i have been with him for 2years
    and i cant get away
    even if i wanted to i cant cos i dont know what could happen
    he could kill me or kill him self i dont know but i cant
    leave him now or ever to i get free from this
    night mair
    can i wake up plz let me wake up from this dream of mine

  2. #2
    Warrior Monk kedar may be famous one day kedar may be famous one day kedar's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    ~! ^^ Your poem definitely has potential, but with a touch of descriptive words, clear stanzes, and shorter sentences, this poem of yours can turn into a great piece. The theme is great, but try to work a little more with it, keeping what I said in mind.

    Use a thesaurus, if needed, to find depictive words!

    -Title corrected-
    Last edited by kedar; Sep 22, 2006 at 04:02 PM.

  3. #3
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    This poem rather looked like a bunch of sentences not stanzas...Maybe you should correct the arrangement of your poem,this might confuse the readers. They will think that this is a topic and not a poem to be discussed...
    Last edited by Pride_Edward; Sep 23, 2006 at 12:21 AM.

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    ★~Ao's Irish Fariy ~★ equinn may be famous one day equinn may be famous one day equinn's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    awwwww ok and thanks alot ^_^ for your help

  5. #5
    Otaku tifa4cloud may be famous one day tifa4cloud may be famous one day tifa4cloud's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    ooooooo i likes loads!!!!!!!!!!! keep up the good work lizzie babe xoxox

    thank you equinn

  6. #6
    ★~Ao's Irish Fariy ~★ equinn may be famous one day equinn may be famous one day equinn's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    tifa u sound sooo like a prep what happend u ???? *crys*

  7. #7
    Otaku tifa4cloud may be famous one day tifa4cloud may be famous one day tifa4cloud's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    umm i dont know but im just real happy go lucky emo now

    thank you equinn

  8. #8
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare

    Your poems still have a deeper meaning underlying in each word! I think you did a great job writing it, but if I may make a suggestion breaking them down into stanzas would help the reader a little bit, unless you meant to write it like this!(just a suggestion). Well I hope to read more of your work equinn!

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