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Old Jul 09, 2006, 03:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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No Sunshine

There ain't no sunshine left
you walk around, watching your every step
hoping and praying you don't get checked
yea this is life
avoiding getting robbed, or mobbed
while walking down the street
so you go and get some heat
and its layin in your pocket,
and you can hear your heart beat
and its stil in your pocket
then he comes to you
and you cock it
pop it
die B!tch die!
he won't rob you anymore
in your bed you lay
you don't even snore
you sit there remembering that day
you killed a man
in fear, of getting robbed and shot
but that's life
better you than him right?
and so.....
Ain't much more sunshine
whilel you sittin in the floor wastin away
and dyin
Ain't no sunshine in there its on...
only darkness everyday
ain't no sunshine when its on,
cuz when its on ya'll people wanna be gone
everytime, cuz we don't play.
and in the end
we all die one day
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Old Jul 09, 2006, 04:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

nice one brother, it looks like you have been doing your homework! keep it up man.
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Old Jul 09, 2006, 08:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

very nice hun, i like it even more wen you read it over the phone and added emphasis, i wuv ur voice!!
*kiss*
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 04:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

"As darkness falls, night unfolds ebon wings to wrap the world in its dark embrace"-Joeseph Vargo "Forever longing for an espace, only to get yelled at in my face, People are too complicated, love has become so over-rated, so I'm done and I'm gone"-Laren these are quotes that went through my head while I read your beautifully, well-thought out poem...sorry if I offend you by this comment, by the way
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 04:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
Moving right along....
 
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Re: No Sunshine

Quote:
Originally Posted by N.Y._Soulja View Post
ain't no sunshine when its on,
cuz when its on ya'll people wanna be gone
everytime, cuz we don't play.
and in the end
we all die one day
was this inspired at all by the song "aint no sunshine"? These last few lines remind me of the song.
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 04:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

It sounds like a song i have heard before.Using the word sunshine to create a darkness mood is great and it flows well.Keep up the good effort.
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 05:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
I hate idiots on AO. Kill
 
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Re: No Sunshine

It's a song right? Still capitalization would work. Keep it up ^_^
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 07:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
Elie Jelly
 
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Re: No Sunshine

>.> Who you?

Jkin, Anyways I really like this piece ^^ Very true words, harsh as it is, fav part was this-
Quote:
Ain't no sunshine in there its on...
only darkness everyday
ain't no sunshine when its on,
cuz when its on ya'll people wanna be gone
everytime, cuz we don't play.
and in the end
we all die one day
especially the last line, nicely done!
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Old Mar 23, 2007, 09:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rave_Grip View Post
It's a song right? Still capitalization would work. Keep it up ^_^
What I always tell you, gringo? You better get your captialization and punctuation straight.
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Old Mar 25, 2007, 10:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: No Sunshine

Nice poem, Soulja. Punctuation and capitalization would be very much appreciated, sorry. Lol, Kasai. Haha.
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