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  1. #1
    Newbie kira_17 may be famous one day kira_17 may be famous one day kira_17's Avatar
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    no title

    Hold me tight don't say a word
    close your eyes and whisper those three little words
    Tell me how much you missed me
    Kiss my lips saying how you remmeber our first kiss
    How you wish we couls stay like this forever
    With fears of us walking difernt paths
    Hold me tight colse your eye's I whisper those three little words kissing you softly
    Could we stay like this forever?

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: no title

    The flow sucks due to lack of punctuation.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Newbie silentangel may be famous one day silentangel may be famous one day
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    Re: no title

    Quote Originally Posted by kira_17 View Post
    Hold me tight don't say a word
    close your eyes and whisper those three little words
    Tell me how much you missed me
    Kiss my lips saying how you remmeber our first kiss
    How you wish we couls stay like this forever
    With fears of us walking difernt paths
    Hold me tight colse your eye's I whisper those three little words kissing you softly
    Could we stay like this forever?
    Starting from the 4th line:
    *remember
    *could
    *different
    *close and its "eyes" and this line could use some work on it

    Its a good poem I guess but you have to be a bit more persuasive.
    I like the concept you put in here and besides it looks like you put some effort into it. Maybe you should give it a title to make it stronger.
    How about...?: "Wishes" or "Three Little Words" or "I Love You"
    You know what I mean. I hope I don't offend you with the comments. I like your poem. Kudos!

  4. #4
    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: no title

    YAY!!! Awesome poem Kira!!!! You always write such sweet love poems. Can't wait till the next 1.
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

  5. #5
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: no title

    I like this poem but like Angel said it needs the spelling fixed and also need punctuation like Kasai said. Then it would be a really good poem.

  6. #6
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: no title

    This is a nice poem kira! Keep up the good work and I hope to see more of your poetry here on AO! I can tell you wrote it from the heart, and that's the way it should be especially when you have someone on your mind!

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