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Again, this rhyme style. Trying writing a poem without the rhymes first, and then if you feel the poem should rhyme? Add in the needed words and effect.

Because when you try to rhyme straight off the bat? The words in the poem sound forced.

hey its my style its the way i like to write, besides am not so good with slow motion words like your guy's poems

I believe there are writing styles to a person. However, when you say the rhetoric device known as rhyming is your particular style? I cringe.

You can have a style of writing that adapts to the different styles of rhetoric modes. You just have to know how.

The Poetry/fanfic clan uses the different rhetoric strategies to practice their own creative styles on. You should check us out.

its good!!!! its deep!!!!!!!! good work !!! keep it up

I don't get why people want to write poems that can hurt someone. Try and write something happier. Unfortanatly I agree with Kasai when she talks about the whole it sounds forced. Try and let it flow out of you instead of trying to force it to rhyme. Good luck on your next poem.