Thread: no title

i wanna stay alive
ain't no way am gonna die
am gonna survive
and it ain't no lie

great i love this stanza
add some commas and perfecto

Very positive and a good show at perseverance. It has quite a touch of simply words, but the rhyming makes it that much more thought out. Just missing the captials at the start of each line

EDIT: 700th post, w00t xD

then i'll do better, thanks everyone for the nice things to say

Originally Posted by hellknight

i know am gonna make it home
get to my family
i want to be home
feeling all happily

That last line just killed the poem. You want to 'leave 'em wanting more', but it leaves me wanting a dictionary because that attempt to rhyme is forced.

I found it.

Dictionary Information: Definition Happily - Description Meaning Thesaurus

I remember using that word once or twice...though you'd need to look through all my writings to find it...and I don't wanna look. Just click on "poetry corner" in my signature area

I loved it but I would recommend not starting a sentence with "and" or "or". Then I would recommend you capitalizing your I's and putting commas and periods in your sentence. Othe then that your poem is great and I really like it.

It was a nice peom, but it needs capitalization and punctuation. Overall, it was a kool poem.