hellknight

The day's you were gone
You were always away
You had to keep moving
You never stay

The voice's you heard
Everything I said
You have to remember
Inside your head

Hear the river flow
All the animal sound
Listen to the wind breeze
As it goe's around

You ask yourself a question
Wanted to know why
Time's have passed
You hunger to die

Kasai

Hmmm. It seemed like a bunch of random words thrown together. No thought, and definitely no revision.

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Alfina-kun

I have to agree with Kasai, I don't know but... I'll think of something else to say.

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hiei9957

i didnt rreally like this poem...i dont think it evean has a meaning.

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Tanks zyta

Spin Da Ish

A title would have actually helped becuase then we can see what you were trying to do. I suggest u try and do this again becuase i like the style you did but the poem itself needs a bit of work

hellknight

this has a meaning, you just got to understand what its saying,

not everything has to have a meaning it has to give you everything

Fallen Hero

It seemed fine to me based on the fact that most poetry is confusing anyway. It is the fact that u give a question then a fragment in a unique way. It has the escence of modernism.

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hellknight

But, this poem gots different meaning's mean that a person has a different personlity or so, am guessing it has painful memory's of what happen. though the words just came to my head.

Fallen Hero

Your saying that u yourself didn't experiance the words of the poem but they seem familar as if a memory or something. If not i am completely lost.

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hellknight

me too vato, but the person in the poem is not, he has to choose like he's own different way of living, either become something that he wants to be or not the other way.

BlueFox1

I think you did and nice job on this poem the only suggestion I have is changing goe's just remove the apostrophe and that will correct the problem! Nice job homey!

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