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Thread: (no Title)

  1. #1
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    (no Title)

    The day's you were gone
    You were always away
    You had to keep moving
    You never stay

    The voice's you heard
    Everything I said
    You have to remember
    Inside your head

    Hear the river flow
    All the animal sound
    Listen to the wind breeze
    As it goe's around

    You ask yourself a question
    Wanted to know why
    Time's have passed
    You hunger to die

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    Hmmm. It seemed like a bunch of random words thrown together. No thought, and definitely no revision.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Newbie Alfina-kun may be famous one day Alfina-kun may be famous one day
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    Re: (no Title)

    I have to agree with Kasai, I don't know but... I'll think of something else to say.

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku hiei9957 may be famous one day hiei9957 may be famous one day hiei9957's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    i didnt rreally like this poem...i dont think it evean has a meaning.

    Tanks zyta

  5. #5
    Abomination Smacky Champion, Celebrity Power Lifte Champion, Crash Test Dummy High Jump Champion, Super Track 2001 Champion, Endless Flight Champion, Drop Kick Champion, Bloody Rage Champion, Dropkick The Faint Champion, Splash Back Champion Spin Da Ish is off to a good start Spin Da Ish's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    A title would have actually helped becuase then we can see what you were trying to do. I suggest u try and do this again becuase i like the style you did but the poem itself needs a bit of work

  6. #6
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    this has a meaning, you just got to understand what its saying,

    not everything has to have a meaning it has to give you everything

  7. #7
    Otaku Fallen Hero may be famous one day Fallen Hero may be famous one day Fallen Hero's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    It seemed fine to me based on the fact that most poetry is confusing anyway. It is the fact that u give a question then a fragment in a unique way. It has the escence of modernism.

  8. #8
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: (no Title)

    But, this poem gots different meaning's mean that a person has a different personlity or so, am guessing it has painful memory's of what happen. though the words just came to my head.

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