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Reply With QuoteWhen you capitalize every word in the sentence? It looks stupid and it makes me believe you were never taught in english class, and of course it ruins the poem.
One grows from the flesh that does from within
a constant evolve, a constantly thing
if we are lucky we then make it to 5
this noise of childhood has timed us To thrive
pur noises and names, and faces of place
last in our mind for the rest of these days.
At 9 we come calmer, but focused as most
for the toys of our shelves are what we love most.
These things will then pass, as the schoolyards do scream
at 12 we all wish life was merely a dream.
It is the age that we reach that makes means to the ends.
But this all depends on insignificant friends
they are your rule, they are your air.
You apease them some more for the concern of their cares.
For a one to submit to the pressures so peer,
why would one want to live qith these fears.
Ah, to be peerless is truley an arrogant gain
you sacrafice friends and your self still remains
hardly deluted, hardly said sane,
it make us all smarter and closer to graves.
Last edited by darkness of an angel; Mar 21, 2007 at 10:18 AM.
When you capitalize every word in the sentence? It looks stupid and it makes me believe you were never taught in english class, and of course it ruins the poem.
Seduced by Flesh
Did you copy this from somewhere else??Originally Posted by Kasai
'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart
?
Pyoro, mosst of my comments sound the same because the same problem is rampant with the same members/poems.
Seduced by Flesh
hmmm.. the poem is sooo deep!
most people may not be able to understand it.
try to make a poem with simpler words,
simple ideas.. experiment on what you see or hear etc..
its nice though, just confusing.. hehehe
If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
I don't mind and you don't matter
No, Kasai, there has been a misunderstanding, I wasn't referring to you.
'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart
I have to agree with Kasai - the capitalizations ruined the poem for me. The capitalizations make it a difficult read, since my eyes are not accustomed to reading lines and verses with every word capitalized, but if you have a reason for the capitalizations, then perhaps it'll help us to understand if you stated that reason.
Aside from the capitalization, the poem is good, with regards to the meaning you're trying to convey. I thought you had a good choice of words and lines, and your poem had an interesting theme ^^ I don't have a problem with the depth of your poem, though. I think it's just enough to satisfy any hungry poem interpreter ^^;;
I've checked the poem for plagiarism. It didnt see it anywhere.
Seduced by Flesh
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